I'm dead = Ka eh si nia... (hokkien)

First of all, thank to Dannie for posting a long post for me to read through about my nightmare. By the way, Dannie's getting cheeky! Dannie & Spider will be together! XD Revenge~ Enjoy and get real Dannie~ Haha! XD

Nowadays we are talking about our Taekwondo lessons. Somehow what Dannie said and imagined came true! As you can see from Dannie's blog, we talked about Elmo having a car in black and red. Yesterday, Master rode a bike in black and red! And maybe it's Elmo's! XD I can't stop laughing about that if it's true! Well, now I hope what she just wrote won't happen...

Well, nothing much to write about either. Just hope everything went on smoothly and Elmo! Stop bullying me!!!! >.< style="text-align: right;">-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

Scary Thoughts

Nothing much to say nowadays. Everything just went on as normal except my emotions are very unstable. I don't know what causes my emotion to be so unstable. Sometimes I'll have all those crazy thoughts, sometimes even thinking of doing evil stuffs. Like at the moment I'll say this girl is a good girl, but the next moment I'll be thinking about killing her! D: I don't wanna be like that.. T^T NONONO!!!!!

This morning I woke up at 7.30am. Despite of sleepiness, I went back to bed. I dreamt of something really horrible. It seemed so real! It was like it happened!

I dreamt of me seeinga doctor in Island Hospital, Penang. I went out of the ward, and I saw my parents were talking to the doctor. I could only see through what they were doing through the space between the door and the wall. I heard very clearly but I have forgotten what the doctor told my parents. I suspected that in ym dream, the doctor was saying I had diagnosed a brain cancer! DX My parents stayed emotionless. When they went out of the doctor's office, they were all smiling, they thought I didn't know anything about it. They tried to hide it. Whereas me, I tried hiding that I don't know anything.

The next day, they brought to a mall. I'm not sure what mall is that, but it's kinda familiar. Well, they brought me to buy what I wanted. I asked for a clothing. It was white in colour, like angels in the movie we used to watch. After shopping, my parents took me to the hospital. I walked around and walked up the staircase to the top floor. It was an open-air compound, very breezy. I could feel the wind blowing my hair and it splattered on my face. Then I saw Dannie. O.o "I'm going to die you know? The doctor is going to inject a type of fluid in my bloodstream and put me into an eternal sleep," I told Dannie. She just looked out to the sky, she said nothing and stayed emotionless. Then I continued, "Will the injection be painful? Where am I going to after the sleep? What is it like after being injected?" I asked her. "I don't know..." she replied. Both of us stayed quiet for a long time.

I went down the stairs and back into my ward. While I sat down on my sickbed, the door slammed suddenly. I saw the doctor came in with my parents. The nurse behind them was carrying a tray with a sryinge, cottons and bottles of fluids. The doctor told me to stay calm. He grabbed my left arm and applied the fluid on my arm. The sryinge sinked into my skin and I could feel the fluid in the sryinge flowing. After a few seconds he pulled out the sryinge and turned my body to let my head rest on the pillow. I was wearing my new clothes. I saw my parents looking at me. I stared at them, I felt that my heart pumped faster and faster, I couldn't breathe easily. Slowly my eyes couldn't open widely as usual. The image of my parents in front of me was getting blur. I let go myself and shut my eyes and blood flowed out from my eyes, ears, nostrils and my mouth.

That's the end of my dream. I'm dead, badly. I woke up after it ended. My body wasn't wet. It wasn't frightening. The frightening part is when you think back again, it's so real that you can feel everything in your dream, and the dream had been repeated twice... One last year which my brother had a dream about me having brain cancer and passed away, and now is this morning when I slept back after waking up.

I don't know what to say. My feelings can't be expressed by words. It really freaks me out... What's the sign of this dream? What is it trying to tell me...? I don't know...

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

为什么？！

这世界好神秘，太多的问号要让我去琢磨，太多的事情要我去忍耐。太多的太多，我实在压抑不住我的心情了！

每天放学回家，我一定要洗衣服、晒衣服、烫衣服，全都是我的工作！我好无奈！我哥只是要看一看水壶里的水还有滚水。他工作那么简单，为什么我却要做那么多？！为什么？！原本爸爸告诉我，哥哥会负责抹地，不过怎么久了怎么都没看过他在做呢？！这世界好不公平噢！我好想哭但始终还是无法抒发我的感情！我一再又一再的忍耐，一天又一天的等待，世界何时才会公平呢…？

为什么我会那么的放不开你？为什么我还是无法忘记你？为什么你要一再给我希望与期待？太多的疑问，太多对你的爱与悔恨，我应该怎样才能琢磨得到你呢…？请你告诉我，请你不要一直给我有种错觉你还是爱我的。为什么你身边的那个女生会拥有你？为什么你拥有了她，你还那么贪心要拥有我呢？为什么你要这样伤害我？为什么当天是我们的最后一封讯息呢？为什么过了那天我们再也没联络了呢？为什么？！为什么…？！为什么…

今天我也快抓狂了！为什么你总是要告诉我关于男生如此被你吸引？！为什么你总是要这样子炫耀，让全世界的人都知道你的魅力有多大？！为什么你要装出一幅无辜的样子？！为什么全部人就看不出来你心里在想些什么？！为什么你要装出一副可爱的样子招蜂引蝶？！在你脸上你一直显出你厌恶男生在你周围绕，但在你心里你是如此想要吸引男生的注意力！你想否认吗？！一看就看得出！你根本就是这样的人！如果你真的那么讨厌的话，为什么还要做出那些会吸引男生注意力的一举一动呢？！你太假了！

承认吧！你根本就是这样的一个人！你本性不是这样的！而且你每次告诉我的东西你都拿不出证据！我希望男生不会看你外表而爱上你！你根本就没有显露过你的真面目！我觉得只有我跟你相处久了才看得出来！

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

Taekwondo Mania! Part 3

Yesterday was a fun but really 'oh-my-god' Taekwondo lesson! We got to spar with anybody in the class. Let me repeat, spar with ANYBODY!!!! DX Yes, and I got to spar with the black belts.

Before the sparring, we were practicing our techniques for our sparring. The Elmo kept correcting me and gave lots of comments about my position of those techniques, ISH! WTH! I know he's good, I admit, but he doesn't need to keep commenting my every steps right?! Argh... >.<

Luckily sparring practice no need to see him! However, I still got to meet with Mr Bald and Specs Boy! Yeekz! >.< I don't know is it my imagination or what, they didn't really hit me or kick me, they let me go first and didn't really try to fight back. As if they are looking down on me or what?! Anyway, I'll show them that I'm not that weak! And yes, I have shown them by kicking the asshole and the tummy of Mr Bald, but for Specs Boy, we barely hit each other... Weird... =.=

Today at school Dannie and I were complaining about the Taekwondo lesson yesterday night. Spider sprained her leg and now she's temporarily handicap. Aikz... =.= Stupid Spider! Now I'm temporarily Dannie's clutch. Just now when we were going up to chemistry lab, I carried her up but I was laughing so I couldn't focus my strength, so I just carried her for going up one floor. XP

About baboon... It's kinda quiet... Don't know why... Maybe she found her banana. XD But the thing is, we are in Spider and Elmo's world today! >.<>.<

By the way, my friend, Angeline formed a band and I'm in~ I'm the drummer~ XD Yay~ Finally I've a band with close friends~ So, wish our band good luck, cooperative and have a bright future. Our band name for now is Paranoia, I'm not sure we're going to change or not. But for now, Paranoia Go Go Go! XD

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

Today IS A Fairytale!

Today I went to school early again. We gotta clean the school. Heard that this activity is nationalized by the government. Well, we can't help it but to come to school without saying 'no'.

I went to Dannie's house then we went to school together. At first we were happy that baboon wasn't there. We thought so... So we were like very relaxed. Suddenly she shrieked beside us, very close to us at the compound we used to have our daily meeting. I guess no way we are going to make her disappear, and it's so no way that we will try to avoid it! Why should we?! We aren't doing anything wrong to her! Is this baboon who likes to simply shriek at people!

Anyway, today our teacher-in-charge of our team is Kuna. Be grateful that it wasn't Kala! XD We cleaned our own classroom. Supposing we need to clean another classroom, but we screwed up so we swapped with the other team which they supposed to clean our class. XP And now our classroom is squeaky clean~ ^^ We finished so fast that we sat down chit-chatting and Dannie and I taught Katrina Taekwondo. She said she might be coming to our center on Monday during the holidays after our 1st Mid-Term Exam. XD Welcome to Elmo's world Katrina~ XDDD

Finally school dismissed, and we need to stay in school for awhile to snap some photos for the sivic project... After that Dannie and I walked our seperate ways home. By the way, I did brought along my handphone so I texted my mum to pick me up right away~ Haha! XD

Erm... Here's the shocking news for myself... My ex asked me whether I wanna be with me again or not?! O.o! What the heck?! Well, I can say... He doesn't even mean it. 'Cause I asked him about his girlfriend or maybe ex... He keep avoiding the question and now didn't reply my message. Great! That's why I hate guys! Really hate them! If you have someone with you, please love them whole-heartedly! Idiotic boys! Boys always like to have lots of girls by them, and then they will slowly play them, one by one! I hate them!!!!!

I went for drum lesson today. I was waiting for someone in the room so that I can start my lesson. Guess what, I saw a 20-year-old lady (I guess...), with lady-like dress ups in the room! OMFG!!! She looks so matured and so lady-like, not like me, but she learns drum?! Oh oh oh... =.= Can't imagine. But one thing I know is, she's a newbie. So... Good luck newbie... Drum isn't that easy as it looks.

-馨Don't Speal 被你着迷>孤单<-

School Days With You + the 'Black-Belt Gang' ^^

Today I woke up later than usual! >< Aiyo~ All 'cause I wanted to sleep longer and hope I won't wake up from my sweet sleep and when I opened my eyes in a shcoked manner, the clock showed 7.15am! Yeekz!!! D: And ZhiKang texted me and I didn't reply for quite a long time there. I picked up my phone and ran around the house like crazy snuts! Then my mum need to fetch my dad at his colleague's house. Luckily I still managed to rush to school. I was lucky to meet Danicia too~ However, we both got yelled by our assistant headmistress... =.= Well, sometimes even if you're lucky you can't avoid some other stuff... =.=

Anyway, we just sat down for a few minutes and then we went back to class. Thanks to that stupid discipline teacher that we need to sit down again and stand up quietly. Ya,she emphasized the word 'QUIETLY'! She's so damn annoying. =.=

Everything went on nicely 'cause we had a lot of free time before recess. Physics lesson for me is like a free period to talk and have fun. The teacher doesnt care about me anyway... She doesn't like me 'cause my Physics is damn lousy... And, Chinese teacher was absent so we were damn happy about it~ If not we need to copy those sample essay again... And today we had 2 periods of Chinese, this is great! XD After this is Modern Maths lesson, which I didn't get to talk but just sit there doing other stuff... ( I don't pay attention in class... Never! ) Dannie let me doddle on her paper she teared out from her little notebook. Haha! XD I doodled all the members of the 'Black-Belt Gang'~ Haha! XD Oh my god! It seems like I was so into drawing them until I drew so many for Dannie. Dannie took home a huge 'poster' of a Spider, a full page of Spec Boy's doodle and Spider's too~ Haha! XD I was imagining what if we distributed to the whole Taekwondo class? XD They will be doom for sure man~!

The frustrated thing is the baboon! She just saw Dannie and shrieked when the whole 4SA was going to the Physics lab. And even recess also she couldn't stpo shrieking! The worst thing is Dannie and the baboon saw each other eye to eye. She was like wanting to challenge Dannie, but of course Dannie won~! Dannie's stare is always that scary that no one can stand it for long. Haha! XD And then baboon went off and shrieked. When she came back and went upstairs she also shrieked something. Well, for now obviously she don't dare to shriek in front of any of us.

Guesss what, we asked JiaJoe about this baboon. She said she seldom talks to her, but now is like totally don't try to talk. She said last time she was a better person, but maybe after mixing with those 'people' she changed, entirely! See baboon? People hate you! So don't try to act all cool there alright?! =P

Finally, school dismissed~! We got to meet up with NyuekTheng~ Great! Long time not seeing her either. I sensed that nowadays she was avoiding us somehow... We walked until Super Tanker and we seperated there 'cause Dannie and I were going to have our lunch at Gateway Cafe. Luckily we didn't see the baboon suddenly appear in front of us. I wonder how she will appear so sudden sometimes, maybe she dropped from the tree of what... XD

We went there and the waitress asked us to wait for the chef and the ice. Aikz... =.= So Dannie used the time to do her Sivic homework. Luckily it didn't took us long. We ate Pattaya and drank Red Bean Milk~ As usual... We chatted about the 'Black-Belt Gang' again. Haha! XD Sometimes I wonder why do we have so many things to say about them. They really made our day sometimes. I admit they made our Taekwondo Days more interesting and hilarious. Haha! XD Actually there's not a lot of things to talk aout them either. Almost everyday we talked the same thing about them again and again, but still it's funny when we recall, or somehow dig up our memmories?

We talked about them until we forgot the time. When Dannie looked at her watch it was already almost 4pm! Yeekz!!!! >< That's why there were so many Phor Tay students came into the shop to eat too! What the heck?! And today both of us supposed to go home earleir than usual. Oh sucks! I can be home before 4pm but I'm worry for Dannie. I still haven't text her and asked about it... I think I should text her right now. =.=

Anyway, it was a day full of excitement and sudden-attacks! O.o! By the way, I read Dannie's blog. There's nothing thanks about, Dannie. I'm ready to be by your side always ok? Take care~!

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

Parents, Parents

This morning my dad woke up late again. Haiz... I know... He was very busy until he couldn't get enough sleep, however I think it's his responsible to fetch me to have my breakfast and to school, so he couldn't just sleep until 6.30am.

He took me for my breakfast first and then went back home to get prepare for his work. I finished eating and waited for him to come. Oh man... It was so late. When I arrived school, students started to go to their respective classes. I waited for 4SA to appear in front of my eyes so that I can just squeeze into the line. And that was when I saw the baboon, but she didn't even stare or give me a glare or make a stern face.

While I managed to squeeze into the line, Dannie asked me did I find any changes in her. I was not quite sure but I saw her eyes were swollen a little. As I expected, she told me she cried the whole night. In my heart, I knew, it was her family again.

She told me about it during Malay period after her oral assessment. Her tears rolled out of her eyes, her eyes became red and teary. She told me the whole story about it. And then she told me that her parents talked about me. Somehow when she was talking about that, I think her parents were trying to hint me that I'm a bad influence to their daughter. Somehow that thinking just came into mind.

She said that I'm her first priority 'cause I'm her best friend, a person who she can talk to, a person who care for her. Yes, I always am standing by her. I wanted to help her from her world that's full of depression and disappointments. It's not fair for someone like her to have everything bad on her shoulders. I have to help her. For me, it's somewhat became my everyday life to help her, listen to her, comfort her. It's like a duty or a responsibility 'cause I'm her best friend. I am! And that makes me out of my thinking that I shouldn't exist in her life. Even if her parents don't like us to be so close together, I'll be with her, I'll never back off.

As I listen to what she said, I think, her parents actually do care for her. But in a different way. It's way too different to make teenagers like us to think that that's love, 'cause it isn't what we thought about love.

Sometimes parents are over-protective and try to tie their children up, they didn't realize it. Yes, whatever you do there's a limit, but sometimes parents are really doing it to the extent.

Like Dannie's case, I couldn't explain to her. I don't have proof to say that her parents love her. They just keep her in and expecting everything perfect from her. Her parents love her, but to whoever who sees it in a direct way, it's not love! This is not the way to love! Her parents weren't giving her freedom, privacy and forcing to like whatever they wanted her to like it. Dannie, I really do pity you. Your dreams just fade away and your talents were killed by your parents and your sister. They just wanted you to follow but not thinking what you wanted.

Somehow after listening to you telling me what had happened, I started to realize how wonderful parents I have. My parents treated me better than how Dannie's parents treated her. Haiz... But nothing is perfect, nothing is enough. Maybe, parents just express their love in their own way, but we couldn't understand. They kept saying that whatever they did for us is for a better, easier and happier life for us, but we couldn't understand 'cause in any way it isn't a life that we wanted. What I hope is what they said it's real and what they will never regret for what they did too.

Parents, parents... How can we understand them as we are teenagers? How can we know what are you thinking? I know it's hard to be a parent but still we wanted to understand what do you want from us? What will make you look at us? What will make you notice what we wanted and what we did?

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

Taekwondo Mania! Part 2

The first time I was early for Taekwondo lesson. Haha! XD 'cause my parents need to meet up with their customers and business clients. I fetched Dannie and her sis then we waited for the previous class to finish. That time Dannie was doing Kala's grammar homework. I can say, that homework will kill anybody's brain. =.= We got to use all the connectors given to form a paragraph. Both of us were having a serious brain freeze when it comes to this.

Ok, here it comes. Taekwon~ And then it's our turn to attend the lesson... Haiz... Elmo again... =.= Seeing him is the worst thing ever in my life! Without the 'gang' I would've had a better life!

I thought Master was going to free us from training. I thought it was going to be better to leave the 'gang' there. Guess what, colour belts need to train our basics with Elmo!!!!! Yeekz!!!! Oh god...! He purposely made us tired, and we didn't get to rest or even drink water!!! Luckily my stamina still can handle this stupid Elmo's tortures! But he kept bullying me, asking me to shift my foot or open my 'L-stand' wider. What the heck! How dare he even touch my feet with his feet!!! Get lost you red evil fuzzle!

Finally, I can go home and not seeing this red evil fuzzle... But before I go home, I need to take my belt~ I'm upgraded~! Haha! XD However, I'm still the lowest grade among the others in the 2nd class... =.= How humiliating... And, I gotta see Elmo the red evil fuzzle again!

He was sitting in th car searching for something. His position is like spider crawling on the passenger's seat! Haha! XD Training himself into Spider I guess... Well, what can I do...? I couldn't avoid him either... Haiz... Just sacrifice a little then... T^T

I asked my belt from him and he purposely didn't wanna pass my belt to me! Keep acting all ignorant! Dannie and I kept shooting him with emphasizing the word 'Elmo' and talked about Dannie's blog, but he didn't react. He only reacted when Dannie said," Do Elmo care about us?" when he advice us not to drink too much water after the lesson. Haha! XD And then well I was waiting for him, he was looking at the medal and asked us what colour is it! Did he expect us to go near him and tell him what colour is it?! Can't he see for himself?! On the lights if you can't see, stupid Elmo!

I got my belt and Dannie already gone home. I got a size 5 belt, which I knew it was too long by looking! The Elmo still threatened me that try the belt now and if it's too long still can change it today, but not after today! How dare he?!!!! Argh!!!!!!

I was waitning for my parents. Well, today is the first time i went home later than Dannie. Haiz... Master was about to go but he waited for me to go home first only he leaves. O.o Thanks Master but actually you don't need to wait for me, I'll be fine. And you know... Elmo is in Master's car too... So... I don't wanna make things become Elmo is waiting for me to go home too... =.= I hate it...

For today, my school life is going on as usual except knowing Mr Bald Junior will be anywhere around school. And me recalling the 'gang' stared at me during Taekwondo lessons made me feel all angry! Don't know what will happen if I continue to be in the same center as them. =.=

Today the baboon only shrieked once. Good! Keep her mouth shut with a banana~ Plus today our school dismissal time is later than the rest of form 4, so we won't be seeing her baboon red ass. XD We had our lunch at Super Tanker peacefully~ While we were eating, Dannie suddenly suggested us to call Elmo as Elmo Korr Korr, as he always call Dannie as Jiie Jiie. Haha! XD Good suggestion Dannie~ I think we should start calling him by that~!

That's all for today I guess. And my house's washing machine is really making me spinning! ya, it spins. It also makes me spin! (headache) =.=

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

Mother's Day Special?

Today is Mother's Day isn't it? For me, today isn't a special day either. Actually everyday is a special day, isn't it? It's a miracle that you can open your eyes the next morning and see everything so beautiful around you. To me, all these special days are just meant for having lots of profit for gift shops and restaurants.

Well, today my dad had a 'family meeting' with us. He gave us responsibility to help mum the housework. Is this to celebrate Mother's Day? Haha! XD I'm not sure. What I'm sure about is my busier days are coming... Haiz... Although I don't like it, I have to do it, there's nothing I can do.

Finally I get to go to drum lesson. Haha! XD Teacher, I apologized that I didn't attend your class for 2 weeks! Yeekz! By the way, the training today made my wrist all painful... Ouch... Luckily the bruises are healed so there's just the pain on my wrist. Thanks to teacher, he gave me a difficult song piece that needs to shuffle like hell! Aikz...

Anyway, I think today is a fine day that I waited for so long ago... ^^ Peaceful, no more fights... Except for the baboon and the 'Black Belt Gang'... They make me nuts! Ish!!!! Hope my good luck will come in handy. ^^

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

Taekwondo Mania! (1st post that's shocking...)

Ha... Today I have to wake up early in the morning for school activities. I'm so tired but yet I have to attend school for club activities.

Yesterday, the 'baboon' just shrieked in the public to us! Oh my god~! Wouldn't it humiliate itself in front of the public? I wonder... Or maybe it doesn't have any pride at all? XD Well, who cares? It didn't humiliate me then I don't care a shit about that red-ass creature. And it was the one who came here. How dare it accused us that we were like intruding her territory? Weird baboon... Yet it said it didn't want to see us. Actually it should go off itself since it came here by itself later than us. == Finally she left but still shrieking. Well, let it shriek. It is a baboon, what do you expect...? -,-

Guess what, today we need to see the baboon again! Luckily she didn't do anything to us, 'cause there are teachers around. But if she dare shriek, I'll use my socks to shut her up! XD

There is something interesting happened this morning. I went to eat my breakfast at the market nearby my house. I saw someone who looks like Specs Boy! O.o I wasn't sure about until my mum asked him when he served over the food! Yeekz! >< ( please do know that my mother is a freakish person that she can do anything that's in her control...) That time I thought I'm doom! Luckily, my mum just asked that whether he learns Taekwondo or not... So the answer is... No... So, lucky~ I won't meet someone here often then... But it really was shocking. Another thing is... Mr. Bald Junior is studying my school! Yeekz!!!!!!! >< I don't even know that he existed in my school for so long! How can he be here?! I'm just afraid that he heard what Dannie and I talked about them... Oh no... Hope everything will be as usual after finding out this unwanted truth!

Now, wish me good luck whenever I go then. I feel that anytime I'll just bumped into one member of the so called 'Taekwondo Black Belt Gang'... T-T

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

Gloomy Day

Today I went to Danicia's house earlier than usual. We need to meet up Ms. Kala for the Zone and District English Debate Competition. This IS serious! One mistake and you'll be complained like shit... =.= This time things worked upside-down. We are the timekeepers for the debate (tomorrow is Dannie, and then the day after tomorrow is me!) and we need to countdown the time this round! Which is totally different from the past Debate Competition! Yeekz! O.o! I hope I can cope with it then... Wish me good luck.

Everything went fine today but not until Chemistry lesson. Before that, Dannie was being scolded innocently by our Maths teacher. O.o! Just because she answered her question wrongly and she needs to stand for so long. Actually this is because previously the teacher was frustrated that Sheau Wen didn't pay attention in class and answered it wrongly. But this doesn't mean that she can just yell at other people right?! I don't get her... =.= Of course, things got moody from there... Thanks to the teacher who simply yell at innocent students...

Obviously, Dannie's mood changed. I understand why. It wasn't fair! Like these days ma parents wanted to get through me about the incidents happened recently among us. But still it's unfair! I don't get it! Why should we pay respect to someone who doesn't respect you in the first place? I think that everybody, no matter elder or younger are still humans! There's nothing to differentiate unless you are something not human! Ha... Just don't get it... Anyway, adults just like giving excuses to push everything to us... Unfair, unfair...!

(Back to the topic)
In the Chemistry lab, Dannie sat further away from me. I thought she doesn't wanted to talk to me anymore. Plus, I didn't wanna interrupt her from her Chemistry Lab Report homework. That's why I kept quiet. I was puzzled to see her suddenly so close to Jia Joe and Hooi Nee, which happened once in a blue moon! O.o! I looked at her, but she ignored me. I guessed she really doesn't wanna talk...

I tried to start a conversation but don't know what to say. So before school ends, I told her that I wanted to go to the library to return the books. At first she couldn't hear it, I laughed, but she just gave me a smile. Then I repeated my sentence, she nodded. "What can I do to know what you were thinking, Dannie?" I was thinking about it in my heart.

After the school dismissal bell rang, everybody rushed out the classroom. Dannie needs to throw the rubbish today, so I waited for her. When she was done packing up then she walked out, not waiting for me. I sped up my footsteps. I don't know what to say, just mere silence between us. I think she knew, when she's gloomy, I won't talk and let her calm herself down and open her heart to me, tell me everything.

Time passed and still Dannie stayed gloomy, and me waiting for her to talk. We couldn't make up our mind where to eat. I showed my purse to Dannie that I don't have money. She remained not talking and just using sign language to communicate with me. I was kinda sad actually. I don't know what had happened and the first time I felt so clueless and helpless.

Finally, we decided to go to Bucket Shop to have our lunch. I don't have any money to eat, so I was waiting for the Money Tree (my brother) to come and 'rescue' my hunger. Dannie spoke, she said she can lend me some money. I declined the offer, 'cause I was afraid this will spoil the whole atmosphere between us. Plus, I don't want to owe her money.

After that, we remained silence again. We read our books we borrowed from the library. My brother came, she was a little lightened, as you know my brother is the funny guy. I was waiting for food and then suddenly Dannie stood up and said she needs to leave. So I just waved her goodbye and she was gone... I knew something had happened, but just I don't know how to let her tell me.

Until just now, she text me. Everything was just a misunderstanding. Haha! XD We laughed at ourselves, being so thoughtful about each other. And her blog wrote about it too. Haha! XD This is funny~! As usual, we always resolved our fights or misunderstandings. Hehe! ^^

Here's a message for Dannie:
Dear Dannie,
I'll never hate you except for last year that you didn't tell me about the whole thing about MH & BH. I thought you hid something from me. That's the only thing that made us apart since we knew each other. And this made the whole class kept crapping about me too. But thanks to you that I realized not everything you must tell me. Everyone has secrets to keep. This is what I have learned from Si Chia. She made me realize how selfish am I.

And if you have anything just tell me. Like today's incident, you could just talked to me about it. Please trust me as your best friend ok? Love you Dannie. ^^

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

Unforgettable Past

On friday night I just had a fight with the whole family. Why is everybody opposing me in the family? What does it mean as family actually? I don't know. I feel that I just have parents who only care about their business and money. Everything is money! Money makes the world goes round. That's right. Nowadays parents don't try to understand what are their child thinking. As long as we are wrong they'll scream our heads off!

That night was a terrible night that I couldn't forget how much I hate my parents, including my brother. I was doing my homework given by Ms. Kala. The clock struck at 8pm. I kept wondering when are they going to go for dinner. As I was thinking, suddenly they shouted me out for dinner. I replied their rude way of summoning me. But seems like they didn't hear it. They got all fury, so was I! Then because of that my dad gave me a 'lecture'. What was wrong?

As they said, they called me for many times, but I didn't respond. From what my ears could hear, they only called me for the 2nd time! How can they just scolded me for this misunderstanding?! I tried to explain and tried to make them understand what was going on. But who knows, they don't even want to listen and they are right, as usual. They gave me a good lecture and made their own conclusion that it's all my fault. And my brother said that last time he was just like me, but he couldn't learn anything like that, so he asked me to change my attitude! Don't think you are elder and so-call all grown up then you can just give me a lecture too! Shut up! The greatest thing is my parents still can talk about their business while this thing isn't all settled! I cried silently in the public. I couldn't stand the hatred and the pain in my heart. My family is entirely changing. I no longer recognize them...

This morning I saw someone posted an interesting post on Facebook. I told ZhiKang the truth about the girl he loves might have a boyfriend already. Sorry ZhiKang, I didn't mean to make you all sad and so depressed. I'm sorry... But if don't tell you the truth one day you'll found out too. And that time I guess, you are so into her until you'll have a major break down that time when you knew it. As Chinese saying, "长痛不如短痛". I really don't want to see it when you have that major break down that I couldn't imagine. I truly am sorry for you.

And now you made me think of Ming. How awful... == Why would I suddenly think of this past...?! I wanted to forget it but seems like it's difficult. Can anybody just kill me?! I don't want him to remain in my mind and my heart. I can't move forward with him remain as the saddest memory... If we can't be together, then just kill me... Please!!! He is in my mind, that I keep thinking of him and having illusions of him by my side. He is in my heart, that I kept feeling that he still loves me and having illusions that he haven't forgotten me. I can feel his existence everywhere. If this continues, I don't know what will my future be... I really have no idea how can I move forward...

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-