Scary Thoughts

Nothing much to say nowadays. Everything just went on as normal except my emotions are very unstable. I don't know what causes my emotion to be so unstable. Sometimes I'll have all those crazy thoughts, sometimes even thinking of doing evil stuffs. Like at the moment I'll say this girl is a good girl, but the next moment I'll be thinking about killing her! D: I don't wanna be like that.. T^T NONONO!!!!!

This morning I woke up at 7.30am. Despite of sleepiness, I went back to bed. I dreamt of something really horrible. It seemed so real! It was like it happened!

I dreamt of me seeinga doctor in Island Hospital, Penang. I went out of the ward, and I saw my parents were talking to the doctor. I could only see through what they were doing through the space between the door and the wall. I heard very clearly but I have forgotten what the doctor told my parents. I suspected that in ym dream, the doctor was saying I had diagnosed a brain cancer! DX My parents stayed emotionless. When they went out of the doctor's office, they were all smiling, they thought I didn't know anything about it. They tried to hide it. Whereas me, I tried hiding that I don't know anything.

The next day, they brought to a mall. I'm not sure what mall is that, but it's kinda familiar. Well, they brought me to buy what I wanted. I asked for a clothing. It was white in colour, like angels in the movie we used to watch. After shopping, my parents took me to the hospital. I walked around and walked up the staircase to the top floor. It was an open-air compound, very breezy. I could feel the wind blowing my hair and it splattered on my face. Then I saw Dannie. O.o "I'm going to die you know? The doctor is going to inject a type of fluid in my bloodstream and put me into an eternal sleep," I told Dannie. She just looked out to the sky, she said nothing and stayed emotionless. Then I continued, "Will the injection be painful? Where am I going to after the sleep? What is it like after being injected?" I asked her. "I don't know..." she replied. Both of us stayed quiet for a long time.

I went down the stairs and back into my ward. While I sat down on my sickbed, the door slammed suddenly. I saw the doctor came in with my parents. The nurse behind them was carrying a tray with a sryinge, cottons and bottles of fluids. The doctor told me to stay calm. He grabbed my left arm and applied the fluid on my arm. The sryinge sinked into my skin and I could feel the fluid in the sryinge flowing. After a few seconds he pulled out the sryinge and turned my body to let my head rest on the pillow. I was wearing my new clothes. I saw my parents looking at me. I stared at them, I felt that my heart pumped faster and faster, I couldn't breathe easily. Slowly my eyes couldn't open widely as usual. The image of my parents in front of me was getting blur. I let go myself and shut my eyes and blood flowed out from my eyes, ears, nostrils and my mouth.

That's the end of my dream. I'm dead, badly. I woke up after it ended. My body wasn't wet. It wasn't frightening. The frightening part is when you think back again, it's so real that you can feel everything in your dream, and the dream had been repeated twice... One last year which my brother had a dream about me having brain cancer and passed away, and now is this morning when I slept back after waking up.

I don't know what to say. My feelings can't be expressed by words. It really freaks me out... What's the sign of this dream? What is it trying to tell me...? I don't know...

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