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Friday, November 22, 2019

爱是一种责任

有个大学的兄弟最近po了文,看到他拿了美国绿卡,就私信说声恭喜。虽然咱们都说过,就算有了绿卡真的是个好选择吗,但有了绿卡也是一个机会。咱们都理解在美国一个人生活其实又孤单又乏味,生活挺难过的,尤其像我们在谈远距离爱情的。


在这个黄金年龄,我们一定会到需要做重要的选择的那一天。比如:要事业、爱情、家庭。前一个月,我和这位兄弟聊起咱们以后的几年要怎样的生活。当时我记得他说,他有时真的想把美国的生活放下,回去和家人、朋友、女朋友一起。其实只要是从外地来美国生活的年轻人都会有的思念,但又不知和谁说,有时说着说着也会自己流泪。

今天我也问他一样的问题。
我:“恭喜啊!你下一步要做啥?”
他:“换份工。”
我:“这么快找到了?”
他:“有个上司要开新的生意,就想叫我过去。”
我:“那他是不是给你加薪啦?”
他:“有啦。就一点点。毕竟生意刚开始。”
我:“现在有了绿卡,可以把女朋友娶过来了吧?”
他:“其实。。。我不知道要不要把她带过来。”
我:“为啥?你之前不是说要把她带过来吗?你在顾虑什么?”
他:“她说她已经准备随时可以结婚了。但我没有稳定的工作,也还没做好要结婚的心理准备。这就是我感情上的烦恼。”
我:“女人确实比较快做好心理准备。”
我:“说到工作,你都有一些技能了啊。怎么就不稳定了?现在就算要换份工作也容易吧?”
他:“我已经和她说过了。如果到那一天我还是没做好心理准备,我就会放她走,让她寻找自己的幸福。”
我:“那么直接?当时她哭了?”
他:“那是肯定的。我也哭了。。。”
他:“现在我们聊天的时候,她时不时都会提起要不要去新加坡发展。”
我:“可是从你刚才说的,就算你去了新加坡,也改变不了什么吗?”
他:“但至少可以一起生活。我女朋友也说结婚前应该尝试一起生活。”
我:“确实。”
我:“其实我前几个月我也跟你一样有这个烦恼。我谁也没说过。连男朋友我也没和他讨论过。”
他:“。。。你这烦恼也来得太迟了吧?”
我:“哈哈!我打从一开始就想回家。只是时间要到的时候就忽然有点怕了。”
他:“那你的顾虑是什么?”
我:“美金VS马币”
他:“可马来西亚给你的薪水也不少啊。”
我:“还是不能比美金换来的多啊。可是我在这儿,我真的孤单傻了。为了美金我牺牲了家人、朋友、开心的生活。”

其实前几天和男朋友聊天的时候,他有问我是不是很想在美国待下去。我就诚实告诉他前几个月确实想,但现在我真的好累,想回家了。

现在回想起我和兄弟的对话,就忽然想起和男朋友说过的话。我觉得这两段话我终于体会到它们真正的意义。
“其实两个人分开可以各种理由,但这些理由都指向一个理由:其实对方并不那么爱对方。”
“爱是一种责任。爱你,就是愿意为你负责。”

就说我兄弟的情况吧。他说他想放他女朋友走,让她寻找自己的幸福。但换另一个想法,如果他真的爱她,那不是更应该做好准备去为她负责吗?纯粹个人想法。

Monday, September 23, 2019

我是个SB

  现在的我已经有着接近两年的工作经验了。可以说从工作的第一天到现在,我真的经历了好多,也终于找到自己比较卓越的领域。这个星期是咱公司的销售会议。老板确实邀请我去了。可今天没想到在这个事件出门交通会那么的阻塞。。。当时到了会议室我已经迟了差不多15分钟。我可以听到从会议室里传来的声音,门已经关上了。我在那儿徘徊一阵子,就是在想要不要大大方方地开门走进去。后来进了隔壁空着的会议室偷听,试探着要不要就这样进去。听着听着,又想着大老板肯定在里面了,我这样走进来会不会太没面子了。。。想着想着。。。就怂了离开了。。。orz 结果就回家换上工作鞋去上班了。。。整个路程上就想着待会儿怎么解释。。。

  到了晚宴,我照常的出席了。不过以看到上司们就会心虚。。。就不看正眼看向他们。。。其实早上去上班的路上就一直在后悔为啥没有直接推开那扇门。若我去了会议,可能前面几分钟会很尴尬,不过至少也不会变成现在这样更尴尬的局面。。。不过还是算了吧,都发生了。后来有些人问我白天都去了哪儿,没看到我出席。我也就能说有事去上班了。。。靠,真的我太怂了。。。orz orz orz

  以后就知道了。这句话还是对的:“迟到好过没到”。当然,不要迟到是最好的。。。

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

其实他没那么爱我?

  感觉好久没有投稿了说。今天为何会回来这儿写是因为现在心情烂透了。。。

  我现在在美国上大学,也快毕业了其实。现在在宿舍和一个同胞住在一块儿,感觉挺好的。我的室友是个典型的射手女。特别活泼开朗。和一个巨蟹女的我完全相反。

  我为啥会心情不好?有3个理由。

  1. 室友她妈来了。主要是要帮女儿在夏季之前买辆车。她妈是挺好的。第一次出去吃饭时还请我们了,现在也帮我们做饭啥的,只是她有时就照顾得太多反而显得她多管闲事又强势(她一旦要做个事谁也阻止不了她。。。)关键是因为她是长辈,虽然有时真的有点按捺不住,还是得尊敬她。她说通畅旅行都是和一群朋友。不过因为这次一个人来就感觉寂寞,就会特别粘我和另一个同学。我说,这位阿姨,我自己的父母都没你那么粘人呀。。。
  2. 姨妈快到了。。。
  3. 男朋友
  这为男朋友已经谈了接近两年了。我们差8岁。我手机和笔记本都坏了。他决定要买新手机给我。以一个典型摩羯男,他就帮我看哪款手机比较划算。我本来自己想买了一款但被他说服就跟他买了同一款手机了。当时付费有些问题,就需要他的脸书密码看是咋回事。他把密码给我后都没把密码换掉。我就问他为啥不换,不怕我侵犯他的隐私。他说懒得换,还说如果我可以守秘+EQ高,那就任由我看。接着他却说,以他知道我的性格,应该会把他的私事和别人说。

  到这里我心都灰了,碎了。虽然我知道之前我把他的事情告诉我父母,他不高兴。我也意识到我确实做得不对。毕竟他是我第一个我想过要结婚的男朋友,我也不知道怎么谈这种比较成熟的恋爱。我不怪他为啥他不信任我,但他这么一说我心还是会痛。当然,跟上次我对他做那种事,这痛可能比不上我给他的痛。

  不过我要真的嫁给一个不信任我的男人,我真的会幸福吗?我觉得一对情侣最重要的就是对彼此的信任。如果他真的不相信我了,我们还能在一起吗?真的不知道该怎么和他开口。。。

Saturday, May 25, 2013

My very first piano arrangement



This is my first time arranging a song. Lol, and this is an epic song -- Nero by Two Steps From Hell. It's a tough one to start off actually. But what can I do other than arrange it myself with reference to other score sheets I found? So this is the product of references and experience from Animenzzz's Bios, Guilty Crown. Hope it isn't that bad. I was trying to make it sound epic but failed miserably I think. Well, enjoy...? =/

Monday, April 29, 2013

In your face! 8D

Hi peeps. It has been a long time writing here. I'm having finals this week actually. But something great just happened! 8D

I was actually studying for finals with a guy friend. We walked into Borders to find a place to just sit down and study. And guess what, I saw the guy I used to like during my high school years and Danicia! Fyi, they are in a relationship now.

I didn't notice them until he waved at me and yeah, finally get to let him see that I'm now a changed person. I'm no longer the ugly duckling I used to be. Feel good showing him that I'm better now.

The both of them misunderstood that I'm in a relationship with my best guy friend. Well it's fine since my friend doesn't mind that. Plus I can make the both of them think that I have such an awesome "boyfriend". :P

So glad that I decided to make myself pretty. Thanks to my best guy friend who keep on pushing me and supporting me along the way. :D

BEST DAY EVER!! 8DDDD

Thursday, January 31, 2013

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I see her frequently nowadays. And honestly say, it hurts! It hurts so much that whenever I see her I will feel that I'm a loser, I'm inferior to her, I'm ashamed to see her.

I know, he likes her but not me. I know this is how it supposed to be but I didn't want things to be this way. It's so unfair! I know him first. I enter his life first! How can she, who just came in the middle of everything get what I wanted. How can she be able just turn everything to her.

Fate, you are so cruel! Why do you always play with my love life. Why...? Did I do anything to deserve this? Or is it destined that I will stay this way for awhile. But, stop! I don't want to feel all these emotions anymore. Fate, you made me gave up on stirving for love. This is the second time that I let someone enter between us and ruined everything.

I know, I'm a no-good. She is shining, standing on her own two feet with head held high, elegant, smart and attractive.

I admit, I lose this battle. That is why I tried to let you go, although I can't let you go fully now. I need time. It's a dilemma. To let you go means to make you disappear in my.life or I'll disappear in your life. Things will settle down once you leave here I think. Sometimes I hesitated to tell you to get lost, that is because, you are important in my life and I'm not ready to lose it. But being beside you now is hurting me badly. I'm sorry I didn't fulfill our promise either. I just can't stop my heart to beat faster can I? I can't stop to make let things go your way. Even when my mind told me to stop, I just can't. In the end I'm trap in the palm of your hand. And you never know why I let things have your way, never know why I'm your so-called "easy target", right? :) you will never know...

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Take the Fall

  I finally managed to climb up my journey in Taekwondo. However, this doesn't mean that I'm good enough and I can stop doing anything. This is just the beginning. What master and GM said is true, this is just the beginning of a long and hard journey to be at the top. Today we practiced some special techniques and I really face many problems in doing those special techniques. But, I think through martial arts, I have conquered my fear in taking the fall. I fell, and I'll rise again. Just that simple. Even if others laugh at your mistake, just take it and laugh at yourself too! :D you will feel better that way. Fall, rise, laugh, and do it again to improve yourself so one day you can fly. :) oh and don't forget to thank those who help you when you fall and let you soar. ^^.

  And here I have a very close male friend who is interested in knowing a girl. They started talking but somehow today he told me that he sensed that the girl felt annoyed. I don't know, maybe it was just his imagination. You know, when you like someone, you tend to be extra sensitive and careful in every step you make to know that person more. Well, I admit it's indeed a very difficult task to make things turn out right most of the time. However, I don't think he shall give up hope on this and continue the road he has taken. He just need to take things step by step slowly. Don't rush things and let it follow the flow. :) Maybe he can just not making the first move so much as this might scare her away... Well, I hope that every thing will be going well for him. :)