The perfect outing today

Actually today I'm not supposed to go out. I lied to my mum that I'm going out with my friends and because I forgot the date with them together so it becomes a last minute date. ^^ Well, it's better to inform them, at least... ==

I went to the bus stop in Sungai Nibong by taxi. It's kind of scary because suddenly my phone isn't functioning!! o.O!!! It really freaks me out!! When I reached the bus station, I paid immediately and get down of the taxi.

I met Jiun Hau there since we are going to be on the same bus plus my parents need me to find someone to accompany me along the journey. Well, of couse I got to be thankful that he willing to accompany me. ^^

Reached Prangin without 为仁. It's ok to wait him. Even though I waited him for more than 1 hour, it worths it when you wait for someone you really love right? ^^ Even though Jiun Hau said that I'm so stupid to wait for a boy, I can only smile. I know that most of the time boys shoudn't let the girls wait, but I think it doesn't matter. Although when Jiun Hau said that I was crying a little, but everything is ok after a moment.

During the whole hanging out today it's kind of boring because he keep following me behind... == But in the end everything changed. Amazingly... ^^

Hapennings Between Mid Nov and Beginning of Dec

Actually I'm back quite a long time. After the break up everything just went out as usual. It won't affect me. But, seems like the break up with Ming it's getting me headache! I cried because of this two guys, what am I doing?! It doesn't worth it! Anyway, after the two big break up, I'm feeling free. But now I'm with Jin, a simple relationship.

And thanks to Jiun Hau to stay by me when I'm in a bad condition recently. Before that, I was in a business trip with my parents. It went on smoothly even though no experts were following us. Actually one of them had his car broke down, so can't help it because it was a major problem!

Well, seems like I'm in my career now. Plus suddenly Ling Han asked me to cooperate with him in music. Ok, I agree with him. But it's so hard to get a song right! Argh!!!!!! 囧 Anyway, if someone can help me then please!!!!! My head is full of my band's songs and Vampire Knight's Original Soundtrack!!!!!!

Nice isn't it? This is the fish village that my mum's brother-in-law's family lives~ Cooling and... I don't know. It's just nice~~~!!!!!! And there's a cat looks like garfield. But the cat ate my fish!!! Stupid cat... ==

On the way to visit my grandma, we saved a kingfisher, but seems like it can heal itself on the way cause it flew away by itself when we put him on the ground of a park. And unfortunately my grandma went outstation by herself so too bad for my parents. I don't even want to see them. I don't like my mum's family accept her sisters but not her brother... == Their family always bring problems that make me sick... No offense but this is the truth.

Lastly, I love you 仁... ^^

War Museum and Aquarium

Guess what? Today I went to school again. Congrats that I can go to school, even sicker now. Today my dad don't need to go to work so he sleep like a pig until 6.30am. I don't like to see him like that, I feel like want to sleep too. T-T

Reached school and there you go. The teacher asks a sick person to count the chopsticks for every bag with different numbers of packets of noodles. Everything goes perfectly fine until they start giving out the noodles. As I thought, not enough chopstick! Well, got to blame myself for not paying attention counting the chopsticks.

Here we are at the War Museum on Batu Maung Hills. I been here before when I was in Standard Six. But the thing is, I didn't expect that this trip gives me creeps more than last time! The photos our friends snapped, almost all the places for torturing by Japanese were kind of... Haunted! I don't want to talk about it anymore. It really gives me the creeps here.

Next, the aquarium. Well, not much here. I been here before too. It;s not what I expected. We only get to go outside of it and the big aquarium inside. No more interior sight-seeing. What a waste. The inside is really exciting.

When we are back into the school compound, we do some researches on the photos we snapped at the War Museum. Now, it really gives me the creeps. But I got to tell myself it's just illusions. And, things are getting well between me and Xiang Yenn. I hope it's going to be better. Hope everything is real. ^^

Picnic... Haha!!!!

I'm still sick here. Just hate to be sick. Well, actually I shouldn't go to school today, but this smarty school make today is the day to take our form 4 text books. ==

As usual, arrive at school nobody want to talk to me except Danicia. ^^ Always my best partner and best friend. Things went on very normal, kind of boring at first. When we reached the park it was like... WHAT?! I went to this park often since it's just around my area.

By the way, I'm sorry that I didn't bring anything!!!!! My parents went for a dinner yesterday so I can't buy anything the day before this. Most sorry to Ching Chun because I ate her white bread for free, I was very hungry. And sorry to Xiang Yenn that I ate her sandwich for free. T-T But thanks to Shi Yin, Vanessa and Yu Cheng brought UNO cards. We, plus Hooi Nee, played UNO until almost everybody went to the playground. Now left Danicia and I playing it, in a different way. Everybody is so good that they asked both of us to guard the bags for them.

A day is gone by playing around the park. Nothing special but lots of memories together with Danicia. Well, seems like things started to sort out. Hope everything will be ok soon. ^^

Tzu Chi and BIG Disaster!

Again. The whole form 3 went out. Group A is going to Tzu Chi Dialysis Center and their own building for the public-- Jing Tze Tang. And I said it 'proudly' here that I wore the wrong clothing today!!!! >.< Group A should be wearing school uniform today, but seems like I wore something that made me had to be one-day-alien. No!!!!!!!

So just be an alien, and here we are at the dialysis center. The members of Tzu Chi are so passionate. Well, here comes the big drama. They prepare their slide, actually a DVD, to let us know more about their dialysis center. There is a video clip showing about three siblings who live together and help each other. The second eldest brother and the youngest brother both have kidney problems when they are around the teen age. Their father died on an accident, while their mother always go overseas to work. All these situation make them need to take care of themselves. Since both siblings have this problems, they were forced to close the vegetable stall in the market due to can't cope with the time. it's kind of touching. From there I found out that how important our family is. And of course, our lifes.

After the DVD viewing, we went into the dialysis room. As usual, we need to wash our hands to kill the germs. The first patient I saw, oh my god, I know her! She's the one keep asking for donation around my area last time! When I saw her I was kind of shocked or... Astonished?! The scariest thing is I saw the tube she poked it into her viens. It sure IS pain. Well, it's ok. I'm not scared about it but don't know why I almost fainted just now. It was like my heart start pumping so quickly, I blacked out, I asked the teacher for help. Luckily still on time, the members of Tzu Chi helped me a lot. Thanks, I forgot to tell them this. Maybe because I'm sick since yesterday, and I really feel uncomfortable. By the way, heard that my friends said that they saw an old lady doing dialysis. Her blood suddenly stop halfway and fainted! o.O Luckily the nurses are on time to wake her up, if not... You know... She will be gone.

So I waited for my friends to gather. We went to Jing Tze Tang by bus again. It's so pretty! Sorry that I don't have pictures for it. It's japanese style type building. So beautiful! >.< I really appreciated this opportunity to be here. And they were explaining to us about protecting mother Earth. So here are some tips:

1. Don't eat meat! (at least reduce), cause it causes human being need to cut lots of woods to provide space for the animals. Their food need to be prepared and this also cause us to chop down the woods again. The dung and the gas they release are poisonous and it harms the Earth.

2. Reduce the usage of plastic bag and polymer. It realeses acidic gases if it's burned. It can't be dissolve even after 500 years.

This 2 are the biggest points!!!! >.<

After a big presentation by them, I found out (again) that humans just know how to say what they can do, but who really do that? That is the question.

Lastly, I want to let Xiang Yenn know that, I'm not pretending or anything. If you really want to know the truth then ask me. Didn't I tell you that before? Why do you want to hide it? It's not like you. I remember last time you can just put a prank on me and show how much you hated me. But now why? Maybe it's true I say different things to different people. Because I don't know how to express to you guys. I really don't know. I just want everybody to be happy. But seems like it's a big mistake. No, obviously a big mistake. I'm really sorry. So please stop telling people how bad am I, because I think we need to talk. I don't want us to be like that. Please~! I beg you... T-T

Heritage Walk

Phew, what a tiring day. The weather was hotter than usual. Things are getting better and better because it's almost the end of the 21 days-of-bad-luck curse. Seems like Xiang Yenn and I are getting along. Danicia didn't come to school because she is sick, very sick now. Actually me too, best friends always face the same things at the same time.

Heritage walk, ya right. The bus dropped us in front of the Town Hall of Penang, right in front of Padang Kota Lama. The school hired two tour guides to explain how wonderful it is about our Heritage of Penang, achieved by 7th July, 2008, certifited by UNESCO.

We walked pass Dewan Sri Pinang. The tour guide said that the small water fountain outside Dewan Sri Pinang is a historical artifact. It's a gifted monument to Francis Light by the 1st Kapitan of the Chinese, most coming from Fujian and Guangdong, China. Sorry that I didn't have the photos for today's journey because I can't bring camera to school due to I didn't ask for permission. The next monument is just right in front of the Session Court of Penang. It's a monument for Sir Richardson (? I forgot the full name) from the citizens. It's a very artistic monument with the God or Goddess of Greek. Till now the historians are still finding out whether the damages to the monument is mankind destroyment or the God or Goddess of Greek is alike with the monument made long ago. Aren't you curious?

Next it's the historical High Court. Nothing much but just the government built a new section for the High Court. The original one now stood there, silently, with pride and embraces.

After that, we visited the first Catholic Church in Penang. There is a shelter in front of the church. That is a monument built for the lost of Francis Light from his father. The church is in white to represent purity.

Straight away we walked to Kuan Yin Teng which is built by the Fujians and Guangdongs. There is a big well inside the temple. Supposely, it was a well for the public to take some water there in the early ages, but now it is a storeroom. ==

Not to mention that we visited the only shop in Malaysia which produce handmade joysticks! If anyone has Astro, you might know about it. It was shown before on discovery channel.

Walked around the corner and we were out, outside Kuan Yin Teng. Across a little road, there are 6 shops selling flowers. 2 shops on the left are run by Indian-Muslims, another 4 shops are run by Indians. You can see the difference between what type of flowers they use to pray to their Gods.

Everything just passed by. The Indian-Muslim mosque, Khoo Kongsi, SriMariaman Kuil and lastly a place for us to rest. Haha! Some of my friends have the Indian 'red dot' on their foreheads. And the two tour guides meet at a stop to give us a revision about today's heritage walk and a slide plus activity.

After all this tiring walks, it's time for us to go back to school. We eat some junk foods on the bus. So fun~ Our gang everybody is snatching for it. Haha! When we reached school left 10 minutes to school dismissal. We slowly walked into the school and hide somewhere so that we won't get caught by the teachers around. ^^

This day just ended like that. Even thought it was a tiring journey, but I learnt a lot from the tour. I got to speak to foreigners from Germany, Holand and my favourite, Japan~ I found out that Penang is truely a multi-cultural place. I'm proud that we got certified by UNESCO. We should achieved it, actually. Everything is so unique around here. I hope that we, as the citizens can protect and continue the culture our ancestors left for us.

Countdown 21 days of bad luck...

This morning my family and I went for a simple exercise. It's our weekly routine now. At first I wanted to play basketball with my brother but it seems the half court was used by someone else and another half court is all wet due to the heavy rain yesterday.

Before that, we were busying pumping air into the ball. It took us half an hour or so! o.O Well, at least now it can bounce. You know what? My finger touched the mud that stayed on the ball. Thanks to my brother keep playing the ball until it's covered with mud. ==

After a long time brisk walking with my parents, who were keep complaining that I'm not serious about the work out, I went to the basketball court to play basketball. I felt that my brother was kind of lonely so I accompanied him. Again! When I went to pick up the ball, I stepped on a puddle of mud!!!!! >< size="5">

The shop front, Vibrant Life Essentials.
Address: Unknown, only can give you guys some landmarks.
Ground floor of Suntech Building, beside Sunshine Square Bayan Baru or Bayan Baru Market.

Facing: Main entrance of Suntech Building.






A wheelbarrow? o.O Victorian style?








Paris, Paris, Paris. ^^ Italian style?








Haha! So cool~! The shelf~!











Ok, enough for the Westerns now. After we delivered the stocks to her, she mentioned about some shop lots here are selling with reasonable prices. Here are some pictures (again) for the interior design of Suntech Building.

This is the 10th floor for Suntech Building. The 1st till 9th floor is just car park. ^^ So professional~~~~!!!!! >.<







To your left coming out of the lift, it's the Suntech Indoor Cafe. Nice design right? A little Japanese type garden. There is fishes(seems like it's not really Koi fish...) beside the entrance.







There's an entrance for the office on your right u-turn. Classy office they have. ^^








Sauna for this classy, professional office. Small but better than none.

There! The main entrance! If you guys want to have a visit to Suntech Building or want to have a look for the offices inside just look for this. See the SUNTECH sign? There it is. ^^

We used a lot of time here. Slowly the time stirkes 3pm. My mum fetched me to my drum lesson. Bad luck again. I fell down on the stairs. Luckily I didn't sprain my ankle or get hurt anywhere. Practice was a little harder than yesterday's. My teacher was training me for Grade 4. I'm now just a beginner, but I am for 2 years. How unlucky again, I knocked on the 1st tom of the drum set while I was chatting with someone. Argh... I hate this day... T-T

The unlucky staircase where I fell on.








The unlucky drum set that I knocked on. ==

I should be using this drum set! T-T That unlucky drum set. Haiz...







So I went through all these troubles. And finally the end of the day. ==

I'm confused... Help... T-T

I know, I shouldn't had cry that day when all of us went to Gurney. I really don't know everything will be like that. I was really sad, I don't know why. I said I never loved him, but when I loss him, I found out how important he is to me. It's too late, what I can do is I can just express how I feel. I'm sorry that I made all of you guys feel embarrassed and uneasy, I really am sorry.

I'm sure that I forgot about him already. So, please, don't talk about the past in front of me anymore. He is hers already, not mine anymore. I still need some time to totally forget him, but I can let them be together happily.

Even though they are together, she still feel there isn't the feeling of safety. I'm sorry though. It's not that you are their second choice. They just like you, so I hope you don't think too much ok? And I hope you can be strong again. You aren't that weak, you are my admirer you know? I always admire you, I want to be like you. So, please, be strong.

Actually, I know they are going to visit him at Lam Wah Ee Hospital. She didn't ask me to go. At first I thought she didn't invite to hang out with them, so I was a bit angry. But after that I only knew that how much she care for me, I appreciate that. Thank you eldest sister.

Rich VS Poor

As usual, a wake up call from my parents starts my day. Everything is really usual, I got to accept my punishment for using RM100+ for my phone for 2 months. At least today I just got to sweep the floor. Haha! Although it's just a simple housework, I sweat a lot, since my house is two sotries high. ==

Things went so usually until we went for lunch. Mum, brother and I ordered the same food in a hawker center at Sungai Pinang. My brother ordered another plate of noodles over. After a short wait, a little girl, approximately 4 years old served my brother the noodles. My mum smiled at her, it's like she never showed that to me before.

I admit she is cute, but, that smile, it's a different meaning. She said we are living in a very good surrounding. Who doesn't know that?! I mean! What the hell! I knew that ok?! It's like she thinks that we don't know how good we are living... ==

What I think is that, they want us to be like them. Well, even thought they explained to me the whole lunch time, I still think that they just want us to be like them anyway. That's what they wanted most. A useable and a good child. Hate it! Makes me want to be a bad girl more... Just don't understand what we are thinking and hope we can understand what they are saying or what they hope...

Anyway, I'm going out from next omnth onwards. My hair won't stop me from that anymore. Maybe I will wear some Lolitas for some outing. So stay alert if you want to to see me wearing it... (which is not what I'm hoping for... ==) By the way, November 1st I'm going to my primary school's gathering, see you guys there~ ^^

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

'Sorry'... it's not the key to everything...

Is it right to let your parents do everything for you? I don't know. My mother is the world most wonderful mum. She always crave for perfection. But... She... Is the cause of my childishness. I don't know how to satisfy them. It feels like we lack of communication. I can do it, just my mum... She seeks for perfection, nothing can satisfy her if it's not her own doing. But my dad... He is the one who keeps commanding me to help my mum. The biggest problem is my mum keep having everything for herself. I was lectured by my dad just now. So not to say, I was angry, of course, but at the meantime, I was blamming my mum. Why can't she let me do it? She is the one who let me been lectured by my dad, she is the one who causes me to be a useless person. How can I satisfy them...?

This morning, I just made up my mind. I quited my ballet. I hate it the most... But seems like my parents are not very happy about that. I know, but I really can't stand this suffering life. Even though I learnt this for 8 years, I can't anymore. I know myself. I know it's impossible for me to learn anymore. The medicine I'm taking now is giving me cramps to my left part of my body. I can't even balanced properly anymore. So, how can I continue without this simple basic? I don't know what are they thinking. After I informed the teacher about this, my parents keep arguing about this. Didn't they know that its hard for me to make this decision? It's not easy to quit something you leanrt for 8 years and if I can I will be graduated after 3 years. How can I... Easily let go this hard work...? Although I don't like it, but this is my hard work, it's still hard for me to let go you know...? Somehow I really need support. I'm really sad about this. Whatever I did, I'm still a loser in my parents' eyes. I lose everything to my elder brother. He is good in almost everything. And my parents said that this is a mental block that prevents me from success for anything. It's not it!!!! Why did they think that I'm useless in everything?! I don't understand! I'll show them how capable I am, I'll show them that I'm not what they think. Plus, I'm not a problematic child! I don't need a psychologist to communicate with me!!!! I'm not a problematic child!!!!! The problem is you!!! You are the ones who give me this concept!!!! It's you you know?!!! How can you parents didn't realise?!!!!

This year is an important year for me though. But seems like everything doesn't go smoothly. My band was disbanded. I can't blame any band members for this. In the opposite way, I got to thank them~ They gave me expereince being in a band. Really thank you. I'll remember you guys. Even though now Yuusuke was away for his further studies in Japan, I'll still remember him. Special thanks to our coach, Ichimura, guitarist Fuyumi and bassist Shou and most importantly, Yuusuke. He taught me how to play the electric guitar. Hope Yuusuke will be good there. All the best ok? Be famous soon~~~

Back to the topic... Well, sometimes I can't really understand my own family. What's wrong with choosing arts stream? I'm not my elder brother ok?! I can't study! Ya... I can't study... I'm just as useless as you guys think... But I'm not going to let go everything here... I'll try my very best to show you, I'm not that weak!!!! Even without you guys I'll live a good life. I hate you guys... I really hate you guys... I'm sorry but I really don't know how to trust and love you parents... And yes, this time, a sorry from either one of us it's not the key to everything...

Last but not least, thanks for my friends' support. I'm now ok~ Hope Hooi Lin is ok now... If not I'll ask XiiaoPang to take care of you ok? ^^ And this is to him... I'm sorry that I hurt you so much. I hope there is still trust in us. I'm sorry... Maybe a sorry is not eveyrthing. But I'm just can say I'm sorry. And I love you...

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

'D'onkey~

It's been a long time I didn't update my blog~ Well, lots of things happened. Now time passes until now left 1 week to PMR! I'm hell excited!!!!! ><>< NO!!!!!! But it's ok... From now onwards I got to practice my debate skills with him, it will be fun~! By the way, I will apprecaite him. I'm sorry that I hurt him, I just feel that I'm not good enough. I don't have the rights to blame him for everything or even complain anything. I'm not good enough to complain anything. Of course, I will apprecaite him from now. Today I'm knid of insane. REALLY!!!!!! I somehow fall in love with the answer 'D' in objective questions~! Haha! Maybe it let me think of a papaya donkey~ If you want to know what is it, kindly ask me here~ Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! Anyway, good luck to all~ Papaya donkey~~~~ ^^

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

Once In A Lifetime~~~~~ for me... ==

Sorry again for not writing on time. Exams are really running me nuts! Well, now just left for Monday...

That Thursday it's my first time eating a RM1 peppermint ice-cream. Haha! At first I admit it taste so colouring-ful and flavouring-ful, but after a few times of biting the ice-cream it tastes quite good~ Hehe! ( I used to bite ice-cream, not lick...) Well, maybe the chocolate chips on the ice-cream is making it nicer... Who knows? Nevermind that, the conclusion is, it's nice~! ^^ And I'm the fastest to finish eating the ice-cream... Haha!

Right, yesterday, lots of things happened. Nevermind for the rushing Mathematics paper 1, yesterday's are kind of boring because there's a lot of time left! Haha! But this will make the teachers keep watching me. Every teachers know that I'm the famous 'sleepy cat' in school. I can sleep in any condition. So even I just dug down my head, those teachers will come over to my place and knock my table. Actually I didn't sleep!!!!! When I really sleep they don't want to wake me up, what a joke... ==

And, sorry to him that I felt so unsafe yesterday. It was a misunderstanding. Don't keep that in mind ok? I'm really sorry that I will feel suspicious of you. I told you maybe because I have this concept that she can attract anybody since she is cute and pretty in any ways. I just lack of confidence when I think of her. She is better than me in many ways, I admire her but I can't be like her. I am just scared you will leave. Anyway, I'm sorry for what happened yesterday night. Lastly, I can just say, I love you.

For today, I finally deleted that Friendtser blog. Actually I don't want to delete it, there is too much memories in it, but for him, I deleted it. Second brother-in-law keep annoys him so I decided to delete it. Now, nothing happens to him~ After deleting the blog, I feel that something heavy in my heart is finally off the hook. Haha! Farewell, my past.

An Enjoyable Lie... Exam!!!!!!

Lots of things happened yesterday. I can't write it on time because of recent exams which makes me running wild around piles of books. Anyway, just want to share what happened yesterday here~

It was exciting to hang out with friends for the first time this year. To tell you the truth, I didn't tell my parents about it. In fact, I told them I was going to Ching Chun's house. If they want to prove it at least I have Ching Chun here with me~ Haha! Anyway, the other two boys which are going out with us had arrived there at 10.15am. I told Ching Chun about it and she rushed out of the house without even drying her hair up! Damn those two, they made us rushed madly.

When I rushed to the bus stop nearby, I was kind of nervous. After a few minutes, 3 buses passed by, and... Where is Ching Chun?!!! I was extremely scared!! I'm alone!!! Suddenly, my phone blinked, since I put my phone into silent mode. It was a number with the prefix 019, a number not in my list. I answered the phone, and a cute, childish voice... Or even angel-like? O.o It's Ching Chun!!!! She said she arrived the bus stop, but I didn't see her!!!! That was the frightening part! Conclusion is... I waited at the wrong bus stop... == I quickly ran to the bus stop, and saw her now~ ^^

Arrived Queensbay... (no excitement...) Started walking, boringly... At first I was excited to see Ching Chun and Jiun Hau~! Haha!!!! They were so cute that day!!! Both of us keep on giving them advices and chances. And... There is once, their hands were so closed!!!! I was hoping for something but unfortunately... Nothing happened... I can't deny that I didn't hold hands with him. Just nervous when I hold his hands for the first time, so I let go his hands for a moment.

After inside the cold cinema, we rushed out to the seaside outside Queensbay Mall. It was warm and cozy~~~!!!! And you know what? Both of them walked together~ For that very moment, I hold hands with him again, for a long time... Somehow feel that I don't want to let go... I'm sorry for that selfishness... After a long time, we decided to leave, and when I went to call Ching Chun, she didn't find me behind her. She talked with Jiun Hau in a very romantic way~ Haha!!!! I'm really impressed~

Ok, it's time for me ti study now... Write till here... ==

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

~Tarot Time~

I opened up this treasure chest of mine, and BOOM! Tarot~~~~!!!!! I'm excited even though I knew it, I just bought it yesterday. Haha! Actually I bought it just because I like the computer graphics created by all these so very talented graphic designers. I so admire their hand work you know? So DAMN pretty!!! (sorry if I have any offend to those who is sensitive about this word) Anyway, it's all just about the graphics...

As I saw this book, is full with the full image of those triumph cards~!!!! Fantastic! Or... fanatic...?! Well, I admit I'm a little too obssesed with it till I bought this with a price of RM25!!! My money~~~~ T-T Gosh!!!!!! I can't even believe that I bought it!!!! Maybe it's the graphic that is pleasing me, or my friend said that she wanted it for a long time and now it's a dream come true, and I borrowed her money to buy for her. And maybe from there, I got influenced easily by her, but I won't blame her for this. Haha! The important thing I got to think now is money can be back any minute if I find it... T-T kind of heart-breaking situation here...

Now if this box of tarot, I read about the stories about these characters of the triumph cards. It's amazing you know? This isn't stories and myths! This is HISTORY!!! Is something happening in the golden-ages!!! Interesting to see but just imagine it, how complicated, headache... ARGH!!!!!! T-T Nevermind that... And guess what? It encourages me to know more about history! Don't ask me why but that is the fact! It makes me interested in history! There is lots of them connected to the times in Egypt, Roman Times and The Europe!!

It's telling you how are us, homo sapiens are engage with the universe. No need anybody to say I knew this theory since I was a small girl because I was very obssesed with mstyreious things and discoveries. Especially something magical but true. However people thinks that I'm a strange girl. So somehow I stopped this interest quite long but now here it comes~! Haha! Mad-girl Ashley is revived again~!

Ok, now, if you are that person that supposed to read this, please pay full attention. You know who I am talking about... I know you are still wondering about that thing. Acutally somehow you make me not sure now... Sigh... But I can't do anything about that. I feel guilty to make you feel that somehow. But this is serious problem ok? I think we got to think all over again. I say again, trust is the most important of all in this bond. I'm sorry to make you feel so unsafety and uneasy.

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

I'm sorry although I'm hurt

A note here to say that from this post onwards I'm using English to write my blog. Sorry for those readers who think that it's hard to read or hard to understand. The reason is using English is easier for me because my Mandarin is not that good... Sorry to say that, I know as a Chinese we shouldn't be weak in Chinese but that is the fact! My Mandarin is so bad!

Ok... Back to the topic... Today is extremely HURT!!! DAMN HURT!!!!!!!! T-T But I can't do anything about it. Even though I shouted aloud to the whole world, it remians the same until he appears. Don't ask me why, but somehow it's very magical. I'm also shocked to realise that everytime.

But when today I just knew about what they did at school on Wednesday. I know it's wrong to say her like that. I know, to you they are the worst. I know that you hate people to call you by that, but they can't because of this and give me another nickname?! And that is a very rude nickname you know?! Even though I have a useless left hand, I have confident that I am better than you! Especially YOU! You said we are close friends yesterday! But how can you hurt your close friend in this manner?! And this is nothing to say as a joke!!!!! Most importantly, you guys can't hurt my friends!!!!!!! This is a serious mistake!!!!!! If you guys still hurting any of my friends, I will never let you off the hook easily! But this time I will forgive you guys, because they said they don't mind now. But if I caught it red handed another time, I will kill any of you...

Because of this, I quarrelled with him. I know I can't blame everything on him. I'm sorry that I'm acting incredibly childish and fired-up. Maybe it's because I can't accept it, but I was trying to hide that feeling from my friends so that they won't be worry about this. From here, I found out how hard is it just to pretend to be smiling in front of my friends while I'm hurt. If I make my friends worry then I'm not a good friend. Even though friends are the ones who share the same feelings with us, but I think it's not it! But Danicia, if you are reading this, don't feel uneasy because I'm always here for you, I will be stronger and stronger.

After the quarrel, I found out that it's hard to leave you. Even though I'm angry, but I'm unable to treat you as usual. I don't know the reason, just know that you are a special person. Whenever I'm in a bad situation, you stand by me and the only person can make me settle down. Erm... I think my friends can do that too... But the feeling is different. Just can't find a suitable way to tell you or explain it. Anyway, hope you can understand...

Last but not least~ There is a good news to my friends. As you guys knew about my left hand. Now is curable~! Hehe! I'm thankful to the doctors who are in charged of this and the research on this. Most importantly, friends and family who support all the way~ I'm sorry for being a disturbance to everybody, from right now I will move forward and prove that I'm someone who can do lots of miracles~

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

惊喜！嘿！

这几天是怎么了？忽然，一。。。二。。。三！碰！！！哇~烟花啊~~~~~！！！囧 眼花了。。。==

一个接一个，在我耳旁吹过。本来是秘密，后来还是爆料了。。。太“好”了！！！呵呵呵。。。== 为什么你们到现在才告诉我？！！！！都已经三个星期了，现在才告诉你这个好朋友？！！！算了。。。反正我也隐瞒着你们嘛。。。==

不过！恭喜我们的清纯同学哦~~ ^^ 真的好兴奋哦~~~~！！！哈哈！！你要感谢我介绍给你哦~~~！！！！哈哈哈哈！！！！

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

一举两得，可能吧~

白白的过了一星期的假期，不知道星期二的预考要怎么办。。。囧！！！不知道高中医的学生们准备好了没。。。？惟有历史系我没有把握了。。。不过，听说这次的大考不是很容易哦。。。好恐怖。。。对我来说考试就考试了吧，有什么好怕了的呢？又不是第一次了。。。学校也整天考试的，经验多得是乐~ ^^

这里我要声明，陈俊健！觉悟吧~~~~！！我们这次的打赌我一定会赢的！！而且如果是一举两得就好了~部噢过我对他没有感觉嘛。。。==还有。。。大考后还要让他知道我的答复，我还没做好选者啦！！！！囧囧囧囧囧！！！！！！！！！！！！

在此，我也要感谢他大考的最后一天要请我吃顿晚餐，不过我还没问过父母。。。加上我父母很想认识你家人。。。>//_//< 请不要误会，这只是想认识而已，朋友的认识。。。也不要说我因为想太多而有这种想法。。。 今晚，他就会从吉隆坡飞回来~有人陪我玩了~~~！！哈哈！9点正，觉悟吧~！我会整死你！！！xD 喵喵喵喵喵~~~~~~~！！还有刚刚打电话给我的人，对不起哦。。。我正好在冲凉嘞。。。>//_//<

我答应你我会告诉你在哪天我会给你答案，所以我希望你可以等待。一定要等哦！那不然我不要你这个没耐心的好朋友！哼！！xP

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

我不后悔

我答应过，无论我再怎么痛苦，我都会继续走下那条路。你答应我，无论我有多痛苦，你依然会保护着我，陪着我。你陪着我，看着我流泪，你也是第一个看到我流泪的人。可是怎么办？我不知怎么报答，你要的东西我又给不到，我真的对不起你。。。

那天你告诉我，因为我一张照片，让你忽然感觉到自信全都不见了。其实这样我反而更对不起你。。。每次你把我的罪名放在自己的身上，我怀疑你到底能撑到什么时候啊？以后我就会前你很多了，真是的。。。

还有昨晚的事，真是失礼了。。。我不应该不看手机而自己忙着电脑的事。你昨晚因为过于担心我，打给我的家的电话。当我听到你的声音，我还以为发生什么事，因为我打算昨晚电脑的事才联络你，可是你让我感到害怕。从我电话里，我听到你用力挂电话的声音，心里顿时跳得很快。你第二次的电话，我原本想向你道歉，可是我的身体在发抖，眼泪也流到眼角，要说的话也说不出口，好辛苦哦。。。

我那时就知道，如果再等下去可能我会失去你这个好朋友。我提起勇气说声对不起，不过眼泪流不止。我也对不起你再次听到我哭。。。你也不必自责。不过你这样，让我更加了解你也是有这样可怕的一面啦。。。哈哈！你要怎样我无所谓，只要我不会失去一个真心的朋友。。。^^

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

命运的安排

对。。。人总是要受安排。。。不过有时。。。怎么去接受也是另外一回事。。。与其在这世上痛苦，不如闭上眼睛离开。。。？一切梦想已告一段落。本小姐也不想放弃，不过这只手。。。怎么办？

至少我遇到了一些有意气的朋友，支持着我。。。哈哈！我感谢你们。。。不过。。。我刚刚好像是让他生气了。。。希望我再打电话给他会没事。。。囧！！！！那我不写了。。。掰掰。。。

命运之轮

你相信命运吗？不管你相不相信，在我生活里少不了命运之轮。

命运残酷地，让我和男朋友变得冷淡，好像快要分手了。可是，命运让我的心对他冷了。亏有了命运之轮，我能放下他。

在这几个月以来，我一直和一个女生在一起。我冷落了我之前的好朋友，因为某些事害到我们没有再联络了。自从那天，我无法忍受，把面具脱下来，就和我之前的好朋友和好了。虽然那天是第一天我跟他非常亲密，但是我们之间的友情好像还没被破坏过，轻而易举的。命运已经判我们要在一起了；命运也说，我不能和那些朋友在一起，我们的世界完全不一样。难听来说，她们是属于比较粗俗的世界；我却属于她们世界以外的。这，是命运的断定吗？

命运，它让我联络了我六年前完全没联络的男生。自从在小学的三年级，我们没再联络，连看到对方也不会打招呼的极度冷淡。到了现在高中一，我通过我一个比较亲的小学朋友说他还有和他联络，我才有所期待。这几天有他和我聊聊天，我觉得我的世界好热闹，没有一丝冷静的环境。

看来，我的生活，实在命运的手心里转。虽然有时觉得很不耐烦，可是命运，就是决定我的一切。所以人家说：“一切由天按排，”是这个意识吗？我不清楚。。。但是我希望一切能顺顺利利地过去。^^

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

乱·Deja Vu

最近是怎么啦。。。？到底为什么忽然变成好像什么大人物被宣传呢？！是谁在搞鬼？！钟中的高中一的某些学生请注意你们所散播的谣言。。。不要连我也连累了。。。不过现在至少控制着你们一些了。。。有点放心。。。



老师叫我们写的作文。。。《谢谢您，老师》怎么写？帮我一下！！！！

最忘不了的时光~

我最忘不了。。。那天我们是怎么残酷地认识，而让你糟蹋的。。。然后我们怎样的缘分能来到同一间学校，同一班。。。过后就变成了朋友。。。我忘不了你那天是怎么接受我成为你的朋友的。。。你给我的那份光与热，我怎么能忘记呢？每当到学校，阳光要开始照色进学校时，总是找不到我那里。学校对我来说是最暗淡的世界，但是只要你出现，你就是拿到光照亮了我的世界。每次看到你，我的心好像遇到了春天。可是看到你和别人在一起的时候，我感觉到我被冷落了，不过我知道你还是那道光，我的眼光是不会错的。。。我好高兴有你这个朋友~ ^^

今天是我最难忘的时光，因为有我周围的朋友对今天生日的我祝贺。我要求我两个朋友卖给我一个钱包，梳子和铅笔盒，但铅笔盒就要等一段时期，因为我之前也是很久才送她礼物~呵呵！此外，有一个今天冒着险拿了一包礼物来学校！其实是他不知道学校当礼物是违禁品。。。哈哈！这单纯的女生送我10粒糖果，虽然只是这些糖果，但是当我一回到家打开的时候眼泪又流出来，心里感觉好像被热巧克力淋着，好温暖。。。那些糖果是她最喜欢的，她送给我的意识是她想跟我分享吧？真有意识！就坐在我前面的一位超会说冷笑话的巡查员给我了一个深情的拥抱，当然那是她忽然抱着我的那一刻我僵了一下。。。但是现在想起，好舒服，友情里幸福的感觉。。。其他坐在同一排的朋友就给我了真心的祝福，感觉好痛快噢~还有我的保姆~谢谢您从伦敦直接打电话过来祝贺我！！！超感动的！！！她27号就会从伦敦回来了~！好兴奋噢！！早上他打电话给我的时候，是她那边差不多要到凌晨了。。。真的很感动。。。当她改了电话后，我的眼泪也掉下来，一点点。。。因为很久没见到她了，好想念她。。。等她回来我会去她家住几天~~~！！！哈哈！还有我其他朋友也谢谢你们了！没有礼物也无所谓啦~因为我们的友情就是最好的礼物了~！哈哈！感谢我的第一个祝贺我的男友，虽然现在他在亚罗士打，在电话上他给我一个吻~~~~ *~*

老实说，我没有期待什么特别的东西。难忘是因为她们是我的新朋友，而且连父母都不怎么记得我的生日了。这次第15的生日，是最难忘的生日。谢谢各位！！TvT

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>今天不孤单<-

请问我自己。。。

今天我差点吃到学校了！！亏我还剩10分钟的时候才开始玩数独。。。==

今天班上有时要讨论关于星期五的教师节庆典了。。。好闷。。。囧我好像告诉校方：“我们学生没有这样有钱去买东西在班上帮你们这些老师庆祝！！！(。丶/ 。) 我们班上的班长也快要疯了。加上我们高一甲班本来就不是很合作，根本就合作不来嘛！！每个人都有自己的一组朋友，有些又看人不顺眼。（？）

班主任看见我们还是无法解决这件事，就自己出马了~~我发现到。。。高一最优秀的一班，也是有缺点的。。。优秀？表面上吧。。。每个人都只会读书而已。。。进行活动的时候呢？应该是进行最慢的一个。。。我们高一甲班，已经缺乏了合群的精神。我们输不起，也不能共同在一起分享。。。莫非我们都想说我们已经算很厉害了？

后来事情还是这样解决了。。。全部人泻下药带来的食物。。。我看到那张食物单时，我可以想象到我们班上的食物好像自助餐。。。== 完全不一致。。。再说。。。我们也抱着一种“我自己要”的心态，我也不例外啦。。。哈哈！毕竟全部都是我们自己喜欢的东西。。。（总觉得这不是教师节嘞。。。使学生天吧。。。？==）

到了英文老师的课，大家都很自然地静下来，因为他是最严格的老师，在他的课只可以看着他讲课，其他是不准做的！！那不然会给他讲到狗血淋头！！！囧！！！今天他教我们关于英文文学，今天的文学比较难，我也懒得帮班上回答。。。（这个老师整天盯着我，都怪我写的文章给他这么深刻的印象。。。因为我写的和全部人不一样。。。一是说我是。。。外星人？囧！）当我脑力再想别的东西时，他竟然直接叫我的名字！吓了我一跳。。。可是我也只是对他笑笑~这招一定能过关的~^^ 到这堂课要结束时，他问我们全班：“Why do you need to learn English? I found out that a lot of teachers in Phor Tay High School are like forcing themselves to teach you guys. Do you want to learn? As the mayor of the University of York in England said," A teacher who wants to teach will have 40 students doesn't want to learn. Do you agree? Even sometimes I also don't want to learn... Haha! Everybody is like that right?” 这是我们全班就有点笑了起来，但是全部人也在想怎样回答老师的问题。。。老师指点着其中一个学生，她也说不出话，她只说：“Because it's important...” 然后就没有了。。。老师又问她：“Why is it important? What is your purpose for learning English?” 这时的她也说不出话来了。。。这个问题好像是很深的一个问题呢。。。

在那时候，我也在寻找答案。我想了那么多答案，也不知道。。。到底这些真的是我要学英文的原因吗？我不清楚了。。。我要学英文。。。因为。。。

1. It's important to me to learn it to enable me to study in a variety choices of universities in the future.
2. If I don't know how to communicate in English, then it's a big problem since English is a language that is using worldwide.
3. Actually myself, I like English. I like to write novels, journals for myself. It's my hobby~There is no important reason for it. I just like it. Eventually, the love for English will make me want to learn more and more. Is that some kind of innovation? ^^
4. Actually, do we really need to have a reason to learn English? Forcing ourselves learning it is not the way right? If you love it, then naturally we will learn it interestingly. There is no reason for me...

你们也问一问自己，到底。。。我们为什么要学习呢？因为我想不到有什么真正的理由。。。

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

应该不应该。。。

我刚从吉隆坡回来不久，发现脸上的豆豆越来越多！！还好，从吉隆坡回来后的房间打扫出让我豆豆全不见了。。。呵呵。。。在吉隆坡的时候看到自己都会吓到。。。！！>.< 现在至少好多了。。。

自从昨天大扫除的发愤精神，我这几天都像个扫地阿嫂整理过差不多整间家！哈哈！不过那也是好事哦~这不但让我的家看起来比较宽，还可以让父母注意到我的改变~！超开心的~ 这样也可以减轻妈妈的负担吧。。。（我既是变得那么会替他们着想。。。？）

最近我男友好像有问题了。。。晚上有时候想他会发信息给他，但是每次都没有回复。。。有时真的等到我有点厌了。。。所以我那时是放弃了，不要期待太多啦。。。哪知！！！昨天下午他发来一封信息！！！D: 他妈的！！为什么等到人家完全放弃等待才来！！！哪有这样啊！！害到我来不及回信！！！！！我还特地按手机到最快的速度嘞！！！混蛋！！！（连下午6点也来不及噢。。。？等一下也不行噢。。。？！！囧）

现在在下午发信息给你了。。。但是也没有回。。。到底是发生什么事。。。？所以。。。我这份精神也是带来这种更不幸的事？？不要啊！！！！！囧

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

一步踏进地狱，一步靠近天堂。

最近我有点情绪失控，不知道为什么。从那天我男友没联络我后，我变得很奇怪。我跟他吵架了。。。我已经够难过了。。。我不想这样。。。后来就去看戏来把情绪哭出来。绝对男友这部联系据让我非常感动，也影响到我想起他所有的缺点。哈哈！到了大结局那里，我还大哭一场呢。。。遜毙了。。。

目前在看一公升的眼泪。这部呢。。。从头到尾我都在哭。。。一方面是因为我感觉到那个生病的女生的痛苦，一方面是因为我真的很伤心。。。再说。。。没有他在我身边，我感觉到真的很寂寞。。。很孤单。。。世界。。。好空。。。

昨晚，我想要找个朋友来谈谈心事。看着我的手机，一个一个按下，我才发现。。。原来真正的朋友真的很难找。。。可是只有一个，应该可以了解我的，就是一个女生。虽然很多人不喜欢她的人格，但不知道为什么好像只有她可以谈谈心事。我承认她的人格不是很好，但是我只有她能分享我的心事，我也因为朋友关系而不能接近她，我很对不起她。。。

自从几天的考虑，我做好了决定。。。我要跟他分手了。。。我忍耐不到了。。。可是。。。我办不到。。。经过朋友所说的。。。虽然我想要，但是我真的办不到。。。对不起。。。尤其是我男友的好朋友。我又跟他讨论过这件事，可是。。。今天。。。很惊讶的。。。他告诉我很多事情。。。到现在还是怀疑他是不是在玩弄我。。。

到下午1.30左右，我传了一封简讯给他。。。我那时很想大骂他！但是我已经没有那个勇气了。万一我在那个时候不小心哭了，还是上到他那怎么办？可是我还是对他狠心一点。。。
“从一开始你是不是要玩我。。。？你是不是在骗我。。。？我要老实话！！”
“不是。。是真心的”
虽然这答案需要很久才能回答，我还是想相信他。所以我现在的情绪稳定下来了。。。没错。。。我还是爱他。。。我已经被爱蒙蔽了眼睛了。。。

-馨Don't Speak被你着迷>孤单<-

大惊喜！！！>.<

我联络上他了~！超开心的~~~~~！！！^^还好他也没生我的气啦。。。可是跟他讲话的时候，我发现了很多东西。第一封简讯是我发的，感觉也不会奇怪，因为每次都是我主动发简讯给他的啊。。。那时是晚上11.26。

“睡了吗。。。？睡了的话很抱歉打扰啦。。。因为睡不下想聊天。。。”
“出日本回来了？”
“没去啦。。。我最近在家啊。。。闷死了。。。”
“我也很闷。。。还没找到工。像废人一个”
“我也是呢。。。虽然有功，但我也不能去。。。”
“做么呢？”
“我星期三要退党的时候给人家打伤了。。。这也是我不能联络你的原因。。。现在还好。。。可以走。。。”
“退党？进了那能出的”
“就是这样出咯。。。要出就给钱。。。简单。。。那党派也不是很大而已。。。我也只是个不同会员。。。你不知道党派又分阶级吗？”
“我知道啊”
“我已经出序号前来等着这一天了。。。终于我自由了。。。但是我永远记得。。。进入这种世界让我很后悔。。。”
“退出要多少钱”
“你猜嘞？”
“不懂咯”
“没错的话。。。我给他们我三年的储蓄。。。那就是。。。有1000000吧。。。嗯。。。对了。。。不会很多。。。”
“不可能吧”
“你是不是有些事情没有告诉我。。。？你以前是不是有参过这样的人？跟我一样的过去？”
“我也有进的，可是能进不能出了”
“噢。。。难怪。。。可是我的不是什么大党派啦。。。所以这种小小惩罚也不能怪吧。。。那你想出吗。。。？”
“不想了”
“做么嘞？”
“因为不能出咯”
“哈。。。还有这样的噢。。。你几时进的？”
“很久了咯”
“那真的不能出了。。。做么你没跟我讲过这件事呢？”
我和他的对话就停在这里。。。我猜想是因为他想到一些事，不想让我知道。。。但是我要他知道，我的耳朵是准备听的，我的手是准备伸出来把他救起来，我的肩膀是随时给他靠的。我开始觉得我还是不够了解他，所以我尽量要知道它到底有什么过去。。。可是我又害怕让他想起不开心的事。我真的不知道要怎样去了解他多一点，他也不是常讲话的人，我要用什么方法呢？求神告诉我，到底要怎么做？

我真的，真的很后悔当初进入这种有点黑色会的世界，所以我不想看到我周围的人也像我这样的下场。但是现在我这么喜欢的人在遇难，我也不忍心看着他这样啊！可是我真的不知道该怎样救他，我无能为力，我也不够力量把他从那种世界就出来。除非我现在有了比他党派大的力量，然后就用这力量来把他的党派毁掉。但是这些都只是白说。。。我现在真的真的很希望我回去一个很大的党派，慢慢再爬到队长的职位。虽然一定会后悔，但是为了救他。。。为了救他。。。

-馨Don't Speak被你着迷>孤单<-

是我，老师，还是父母？

今天在音乐学院练习时，老师给我一本练习簿。里面有好多大鼓的拍子，后面几页看起来蛮复杂的。。。刚好今天老师翻开到后面那几页，看到一页写满了很多很奇怪的拍子。虽然老师说很容易这样，我也只是对他微笑一下，但是心里开始紧张起来。这可是我最不拿手的拍子呢！朝紧张的！！而且，我的老师不是那么容易就可以满足他的，它是非常有经验的老师，看起来大概也要到40岁了。

每次都给我10分钟练习后就要打出顺顺的歌来。对今天的我是在做不到，虽然老师也没怪我，但是我的心里有一种失败的感觉。我让老师失望了。。。加上今天他告诉我下两个星期日他要动手术，更让我觉得我要用我全身的力，好好学习达到最高境界。从一开始，我一直尽力要达到像老师一样的境界，但那要很久的时间吧？我也不会因此而放弃，因为我真的真的要变成一个有名的打鼓手，我也决定好如果真的达到目标，我会很感激我的老师。就算我达到目标的那天，可能他已经不在了，我也会告诉其他人是他，用心教会我，为我付出他的时间。我也会为了老师正一分光。

回来的时候，我回到房间里，看着老师给我的练习簿，想象音乐播着。可是因为刚才在那儿练习到很累，不知不觉睡着了。。。我父母也不知道我睡着了，都怪我开着灯。。。结果睡到7点半的时候被我妈妈叫醒了。那时我有点半睡眠状态，发生什么事都半知道而已。本来要到一家我们一家人还没去过的餐厅吃的，哪知已经出租了？！结果，全部计划好的事变得乱七八糟，爸爸先到他朋友家拿点东西。在车上还说不会花很多时间，结果呢？等他半小时去了！而且那时全家人都很饿呢。。。

我们到另一个地方吃东西，那儿看起来暗暗的。。。有点恐怖。。。可能是因为已经要到网上点了吧。。。？还好美食盖过了本小姐的火气。。。^^刚好电视在播一部很好看的戏，连最会控制自己的爸爸都在一面吃一面看~！好啊！这是没有人会被骂了~！嗯。。。现在换成体育节目，更不用说啦！！结果还让我们两母女等着这两位大少爷看到满意才走呢！所以。。。有时候父母并不一定是对的吧？看吧~你们身为父母的也不是什么神啦。。。所以少自以为是吧！！
P.S. 明天要联络他了！！！！好紧张噢！！！！！！>.<

-馨Don't Speak被你着迷>孤单<-

我喜欢你，还是爱你爱到快疯了？

朋友曾经告诉我：“爱是深深的喜欢，喜欢是淡淡的爱。”这句话，望这两方面而已来看，也有它对的地方。但是真正的世界里，真的是如此吗？可能我的生活比较复杂，依然有可能我没像他们那么快成熟。怎样分清喜欢个奶呢？虽然现在的我承认我有喜欢的人了，我不敢确定到底我只是喜欢他，还是爱他过度。或许珍惜一个人是爱？脑海里就算睡觉关起眼睛也会想起那个人是爱吗？不管去到哪里总是想要和那个人一起来是爱吗？就算遇到几次的威胁，困难，还是阻止都逼着自己一定要和那个人在一起是爱吗？到底哪一个是爱？哪一个是喜欢。。。？

我坦白告诉你们，我爸爸不是很喜欢我的男友。我也不能怪我爸爸，也不能怪我男友，我只能怪自己喜欢上他。他没有学历，职业也不是很稳定，不怪爸爸不是很鼓励我认定他；我男友刚刚被开除，学历也没了，职业当然现在很不稳定啊。。。他没有学历是因为在他就读一所在吉打得独中时一直缺席，校方没办法要开除他，也可怜他吧。。。可是万一！我的感情深得无法自拔呢？难道我父母就像拆散我们了吗？我还不清楚他的父母对我的看法，所以我对他的感情还没到那么深啦。。。毕竟我还年轻，机会还多得是。。。但是我对他是真心的。。。

昨晚，我有试看联络他，但是我还是没办法告诉他我没办法联络他的原因。我没有勇气，我也很自责为什么不能对自己喜欢的人坦白一点呢？都已经是在一起了为什么还是无法坦白呢？难道是我还没到能信任他的地步？昨晚一方面在鼓起勇气对他老实点，一方面在想着告诉他后悔有什么下场？他会不会不喜欢？所以那天晚上我睡不好。后来我传了一封简讯给他：最近没有联络你，真的很抱歉。。。再等多一天，我就能好好联络你了。。。请忍耐噢。。。我已经四天没联络他了，但我也没期待他会回信。过了大概10分钟，他回信了，一个字“噢”。虽然这回答有点敷衍了我，但是不知道为什么，他每一封简讯，都能使我放下心来，好好睡一觉，睡觉时还会露出一丝笑容。或许他在追求我的时候就使出魔法了？

在我认识他那时候，他低着头，害羞着。在网上跟他聊天也很少讲话；在外更不用说了，连看着我的脸都不敢看呢！可是不知不觉我们喜欢上对方。第一次和他约会的时候大概是晚上10点半了，当然那时有朋友陪着我去见他一下下啦。。。那时我们坐在一个地方，鸦雀无声，他在坐在我对面看着我。当前我翻过去看他，他却脸红着散开了。现在想起来，他虽然是过着大男人的生活了，但是他的性格和一举一动还是像个小孩子，天真无邪的感觉。可能就是这样我喜欢他吧？我记得我们散会后，她说我对他很冷淡（？）是很抱歉啦。。。但是！那是真的！场面不适合嘛！！！而且他那天又燃了她的头发！再说！那天朋友在场！而且！而且。。。他染了头发后显得比较。。。帅。。。>//_//<

可是不知道为什么，我朋友对他的看法是。。。“他很像一只狼狗。。。”或是“他好帅噢！但还没到明星那种衰的地步啦~你眼光真不错噢~！要好好把握呢！”好。。。我承认他的行为有时像狼人，性格的改变跟着月亮的改变。但是他哪里像一只狼狗啊？！你们到底是怎样啊？！算了。。。反正他不介意。。。我不跟你们算这帐。。。但是我想告诉你们，虽然你们不喜欢这样不会主动，不体贴的男生。我跟他还活在一起，不需要你们操心了。。。（谁说他不体贴啊。。。？！！！你们没看到他体贴的一面罢了。。。）

-馨Don't Speak被你着迷>孤单<-

可怜的你

我对不起他...已经是第四天我没跟他联络了...可是,如果他担心我的话...应该会自己联络我一下吧...我好想念他.虽然父母知道我跟他之间的事,但是在联络上真的很有困难...加上父母控制着我的电话费,我更不能乱花了...T-T 好困噢...

为什么父母限制我只能用RM10呢?为免太少了吧?可是,我自己有其他两个电话号码...自己给电话的钱,所以应该没关系...钱也是我的...我知道...有很多父母亲说孩子花了一大笔钱和时间在电话上.那你们呢?你们整天用到那么多,但每次都责怪在孩子的身上.不是每个父母都是这样...我只是对我自己父母的限制有点不满...

重点是...最近我不敢面对他...虽然他是我最亲的一个人,但每次做了某些事,他会指点我,用诚恳的心来关心我.他就像我的大哥哥,有什么事他会帮我;遇到危险会保护着我;任何不开心的事他会帮你忘记;开心的事一起分享.

问题是现在我受重伤着,我不想让他看到,也不想让他知道.我不知道他有没有担心着我,但是每次想起他等着我的电话的心情,让我心痛...真的很对不起...真的...真的...对不起...

-馨_Don't Speak 被你着迷>>孤单<<-

告诉你们我的秘密。。。

在我小的时候，我有一个梦想。。。但是。。。这梦想对我的家庭来说，是非创造能够不被鼓励的。。。那时候，他们以为我在开小孩子玩笑。我知道，很多时候，人们都一直用“他们还小，不懂事”这个借口。但，我认为呢是在逃避现实。。。所以后来我不提我真正的梦想，是因为，我也变成想逃避现实的人。

到了初中时期，朋友也不见人影，一个人孤单的，把自己锁起来似的。到了初中二，我的生活开始改变，而我父母。。。什么都不知道。。。家庭沟通？格呢不能就没在我生活里。。。就算父母有时问起，我也是敷衍的回答。。。

因为初中二的时候闹了太多时，我给人家很深刻的印象。可是，父母，还是不知道到底犯生什么事。。。虽然父母为我付出很多，我还是感觉不到。。。爱。。。究竟在哪里。。。？

今年到了高中一，父母要我转学到附近的新学校。目前开始招收男生入学，但我那年的还是全女生的。人家所知道的女生，是野蛮的。但我的生活，只有讲义气，靠拳头的女生。。。

现在的我，生活里发生的事。。。都是秘密。。。家人不知道。。。在外的我，是个流浪仔，带着霉运的黑猫。。。而且，我打了耳洞，那么明显。。。父母。。。一点也没注意吗。。。？也算了。。。反正我世界有父母也等于没有。。。

我不是人家所说的坏孩子，我只是没地方去了。。。只有像现在我生活的世界，拥有我的生存之地。。。我相信你们都认为，这是很叛逆的行为。。。但是我也认为。。。你们不了解我们的困境。。。我不介意外人给我的眼光。。。只要我会的下来。。。就是这样过活着。。。如果有一天，父母终于张开眼睛，我只能告诉他们。。。：“对不起。。。虽然这样让你们失望。。。但是我不能回头了。。。你们当着我已经死了吧。。。”

-馨_Don't Speak 被你着迷>>孤单<<-