'Sorry'... it's not the key to everything...

Is it right to let your parents do everything for you? I don't know. My mother is the world most wonderful mum. She always crave for perfection. But... She... Is the cause of my childishness. I don't know how to satisfy them. It feels like we lack of communication. I can do it, just my mum... She seeks for perfection, nothing can satisfy her if it's not her own doing. But my dad... He is the one who keeps commanding me to help my mum. The biggest problem is my mum keep having everything for herself. I was lectured by my dad just now. So not to say, I was angry, of course, but at the meantime, I was blamming my mum. Why can't she let me do it? She is the one who let me been lectured by my dad, she is the one who causes me to be a useless person. How can I satisfy them...?

This morning, I just made up my mind. I quited my ballet. I hate it the most... But seems like my parents are not very happy about that. I know, but I really can't stand this suffering life. Even though I learnt this for 8 years, I can't anymore. I know myself. I know it's impossible for me to learn anymore. The medicine I'm taking now is giving me cramps to my left part of my body. I can't even balanced properly anymore. So, how can I continue without this simple basic? I don't know what are they thinking. After I informed the teacher about this, my parents keep arguing about this. Didn't they know that its hard for me to make this decision? It's not easy to quit something you leanrt for 8 years and if I can I will be graduated after 3 years. How can I... Easily let go this hard work...? Although I don't like it, but this is my hard work, it's still hard for me to let go you know...? Somehow I really need support. I'm really sad about this. Whatever I did, I'm still a loser in my parents' eyes. I lose everything to my elder brother. He is good in almost everything. And my parents said that this is a mental block that prevents me from success for anything. It's not it!!!! Why did they think that I'm useless in everything?! I don't understand! I'll show them how capable I am, I'll show them that I'm not what they think. Plus, I'm not a problematic child! I don't need a psychologist to communicate with me!!!! I'm not a problematic child!!!!! The problem is you!!! You are the ones who give me this concept!!!! It's you you know?!!! How can you parents didn't realise?!!!!

This year is an important year for me though. But seems like everything doesn't go smoothly. My band was disbanded. I can't blame any band members for this. In the opposite way, I got to thank them~ They gave me expereince being in a band. Really thank you. I'll remember you guys. Even though now Yuusuke was away for his further studies in Japan, I'll still remember him. Special thanks to our coach, Ichimura, guitarist Fuyumi and bassist Shou and most importantly, Yuusuke. He taught me how to play the electric guitar. Hope Yuusuke will be good there. All the best ok? Be famous soon~~~

Back to the topic... Well, sometimes I can't really understand my own family. What's wrong with choosing arts stream? I'm not my elder brother ok?! I can't study! Ya... I can't study... I'm just as useless as you guys think... But I'm not going to let go everything here... I'll try my very best to show you, I'm not that weak!!!! Even without you guys I'll live a good life. I hate you guys... I really hate you guys... I'm sorry but I really don't know how to trust and love you parents... And yes, this time, a sorry from either one of us it's not the key to everything...

Last but not least, thanks for my friends' support. I'm now ok~ Hope Hooi Lin is ok now... If not I'll ask XiiaoPang to take care of you ok? ^^ And this is to him... I'm sorry that I hurt you so much. I hope there is still trust in us. I'm sorry... Maybe a sorry is not eveyrthing. But I'm just can say I'm sorry. And I love you...

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