Memorable Day

Yesterday is the first time I asked a boy's phone number myself. It was a brand new feeling that made my heart beat so rapidly that I could've just fainted on the spot! Well, it seemed hard to ask for it at first but thanks to my fellow friends that I could pull al my courage together and strife for it. Really thanks to you guys. ^^

Although I got teased when I asked for his number, I was really excited that I got it at last. Could it be a step closer to him now? I wonder... I guess this is the power of love? :D

Today when I showed his name card to my friends they laughed hysterically. However I wasn't embarrassed or anything. Somehow I felt that I've changed. I no longer care ones' looks. Although he might not look that good, I still like him a lot. For some reason...

Dannie printed out the Horoscopes. It was fascinating. ^^ It matches any one of us. It was kinda true there. But the disappointing part is my relationship will be very unstable if I couldn't change my attitude towards him. So, for the sake of having him, I got to change... Sighs... Love is just a hard thing...

Story of Specs

I still remember the day I participated my first Taekwondo competition in my lifetime. Dannie and I were on the bus and by my side was the nice view of Penang looking from in the bus at the Penang Bridge. The sky was pale purplish blue with flaming red from the Sun shining from the back of the mountains. We were both listening to music as loud as possible to cover the annoying voices of the kids on the bus.

That time I was like, "why are these kids so noisy? Can't they just keep their voices down and behave?" As usual, this is a thinking of someone who left the children ages. I remembered that I went back home with Dannie 'cause my parents didn't know the road to the venue... I admit it was really hard to go there. What I can describe is, from there I could see Penang Island from this part of the mainland. If you swim here, you could've reached earlier than coming here by bus. D:

That night was really tiring. There was a little boy in the car with us too. Dannie's mum asked him about his specs. Honestly, it was a pair of glasses that I'll never wear it! That was the glasses I have when I was Standard 4! D: Gosh!!!!! But who knows, he said that this specs is a sign that you'll be a doctor or a scientist in the mere future. Everybody gone bonkers and laughed as hard as we could. But now when I thought of it, why do we become so self-conscious? When we are still little, we don't care about fashion or how people see us. Why do we forget about the heart and mind we had as a child, the pure mindset we had? I wonder...

My Words To You

As you know I like XingLong a lot. Dannie always encourage me to go on and fight for my love. Well, I know I should just fight on even so I don't have the strength and courage to move on anymore.

You know, even though I know this is the first time I chased for a person so badly. A person who is so far apart from me in terms of age, rank and almost everything. He's a black belt, 3rd degree. Whereas me? I'm just a green belt, a sprouting flower waiting to have my bulb and full blossom. Isn't it obvious that we can't be together? Isn't it obvious that I have not much hope for this love? He's the full-grown flower in the center of attraction. I'm just a sprout that doesn't shine in the midst of bushes. He won't notice me, never. Even if I did something outrageous, nothing is going to change. I don't know what to do the make him notice me or see me as a girl.

Yesterday night was a proof that he's not into me - he was teaching us the patterns (which I already learnt it long time ago) behind of the class. I didn't speak much yesterday, somehow... I was in a bad mood and he was either. I was depressed after knowing that he wasn't that into me after asking for some friends' opinion. Or should I say, this current relationship really remains without a conclusion? Well, either he doesn't like me or this relationship remains without a conclusion, it could just ruin my whole day. *Sorry Dannie, I couldn't tell you on the spot although it wasn't your fault. I just don't want you to worry about me too much. Plus yesterday you were also in a bad mood after the scoldings you got from your parents.* Yes, back to the topic, he kept perlying me or you can say scolded me for being a dumb dumb back there... He said everytime he looks at me I look like my spirit has gone somewhere else, far far away. As if I didn't listen to him or whatever... I wasn't alright?! Do I need to nod to acknowledge you that understand what you're saying everytime?! Ah... Great! I'm pissed right now... =,=...

So you see... He doesn't show interest in me and look at how far apart we are... I just don't want to fight for it anymore. I'm tired... I had enough of it. I don't know what he's thinking either. I just couldn't figure him out. Too hard to get him, so far yet so close... This is the so-called unrequited love isn't it? Well, for now I want to surpass him to let me go closer to him. One day, I want to convey my feelings to him or just tell him I did like him before but now everything changed... Who know's what future awaits me?

Post Respoding Dannie's Recent Blogpost

Hey Dannie. Saw your blog. It was interesting especially the poster you disgned for Phor Tay Doomsaday. :D to tell you the truth, I thought it wasa real poster for the event organized by our school when I first saw it! LOL. And when i continued reading till the 3rd paragraph then I realised that it was what you created. I'm really a dumb dumb, am I not? =,=...

Oh yes, it's really a doomsday in our school, I totally agree to that. We got to cut our hair like olden days' Chinese school jerky students. D: Yes, and now we are famous for our exotic hairstyle, exotic indeed... 'Cause it was the type of hairstyle you can only find it on the early 20th century's school magazines (if the school still has it). It's easy to recognize Phor Tay students now. Yes, the ones with the helmet-head hairstyle or the ones with center parting and their hair put behind their ears with pin each side. This is our representitive hairstyle. Sighs...

Oh ya, the horoscope on your post was... I can't find a word to describe it either... =,=... You seemed happy when you were typing that, aren't you? Although yours might be a little too bad... I'm sure you were smiling evily behind the screen when you were typing mine. Come on Dannie, it isn't that I don't want to do something about it. It's just too embarrassing. What if you were me? Will you do the same thing? I don't think so right? Unless suddenly you became so bold like that day... You really made me jaw-dropped when you ran to call for him you know? D: I was stunned that's why I stayed on the spot, didn't move. Anyway, I don't think my love for him will blossom ok? It's impossible in terms of rank, age and height. He won't like me either. I just know, this is a one-sided love, which I really don't want to admit. But still if there's still hope, I still want him to look a me as a girl. =) Ah... How I wish that he is reading this post... ^///^

Haha! Dannie, they were treating you friendly that day alright? They seldom laugh at you though. You should just appreciate being that moment's dumb dumb (I emphasize this 'cause I'm the all-time dumb dumb... =,=). Be happy about it~ XingLong should be there on that day. He'll laugh his ass off I guess. :D

Ok, I'll write some happenings recently then since I'm posting right now, 'cause I don't know when I'll think about writing a post in the future. :D Yes yes, it's him again - the bastard XingLong! I was really fated to practice with him! And it was suffering... -__-... Ugh...! Damn him! I really hope he can see that how frustrated am I from this post! Unfortunately he doesn't know about my blog... Somehow, I feel "thank goodness". I was being bullied badly when he was there. I know my feelings for him is complicated... It's like love and hate. Can I explaine in the theory of Chemistry - partially dissociates? Like sometimes you don't want to stick with him and sometimes you wanted to combine with him so badly.

Next thing about him is some kind of Yin-Yang philosophy... There's a little bad in the good and there's a little good in the bad. He corrected my L-stand, which is a good thing 'cause it's difficult for your senior to correct you in a class of more than 10 students there. So, I was grateful about that. And, he noticed me~ kyaha~! pyon~~~♥♥♥♥ (I know it's not what he meant, it's just my wild imagination...) Ok, until now I thought of the next thing happened, this feeling I had just now had gone far far away. He was still acceptable when he taught me while the class was still on going. After lesson (the part when I said Dannie being bold), he was totally wild! He was holding a cane and teaching me the stances but I still don't get what he was really saying. I almost got hit by the freakish "death scythe" 'cause of saying I need time to go home and think through it. D: So, isn't it like the Yin-Yang philosophy?

The recent one - My mum went interview him on how to participate the national or state taekwondo competition. Then he was sniling while answering my mum, and that moment I knew it! He was enjoying it! Seeing me so helpless and desperate! I just knew it! And yes, as expected, he came laughing at me... =,=... Indeed, I was really annoyed by that! How can he just laughed at me?! I'm still an ammatuer in this field alright?! Damn him!! And then my mum continued interviewing master this time. Now... Even worse. Master, XingLong, KaiSheng and KaiWen just laughed at me on the spot when I was paying my fees with Dannie, 'cause of that bastard saying stuff that I couldn't deny. Hmph!! That was one hell of humiliation that day... I even tried to stay away from him but guess what, he still came laughing at me!! How possible can I not be angry and annoyed?!! For your info, he laughed at me until I got into the car... I was really annoyed!!! DX

Ok, that's it for the happenings of me and him for now... Let's see what's going to happen next... Is it interesting or frightening? I wonder... Anyway, I'm looking forward. One day I must chase till the same level as XingLong. Just so he wait! Hmph! Oh ya, by the way, we, BBR might be performing for the next Youth Jam '11, which is next year. Please look forward to it and support us~ Thank you~ Lastly, DAMN YOU XING LONG!!!!!!!!

OMG!!

Recently i'm car-pooling with GuoHong, one of my black belt senior in my taekwondo lesson. Fyi, that's not the arrangement I want though. And after Wednesday night fetching him home from taekwondo lesson, my mum came to like him a lot. She sais that he's very matured, as a lower 6 student. Sighs... I don't know what'll happen next after my mum takes interest in knowing more about him. Is my doomsday coming? I wonder...

And the worsy thing now is, XingLong saw me talking to GuoHong and becae moody after that. This happened on Monday night. XingLong seemed bothered. Maybe it's 'cause I disturbed the class since I asked GuoHong about who's fetching me back home after the lesson. If I'm not mistaken, he heard it. 'Cause he just looked up at me when i asked. Sighs... This is getting me really bothered. I don't want him to misunderstand anything between me and GuoHong! As you know I like him, not GuoHong!! D: after the lesson I was talking to Dannie and waiting for GuoHong to finish off tidying up the place. I was waiting for him by his car. I thought he'll be coming out soon but who knows that XingLong came out first!! D: we looked at each other. When GuoHong came he turned to his car. Does he hate me now...? I don't want this to happen!! If he really feel bothered about this he should just tell me and I'm sure that that's the sign that's he's telling me that he likes me. I just wated to tell him that i like him!! I don't have the guts to make the first move that's why I'm waiting.

The thing now is... He doesn't smile at me anymore. He didn't even really talk to me. These made me started to miss his cheerful smile and the days we kept arguing. Oh no... I don't want this to get worsen but my mum just said in front of me and GuoHong that next time I should sit in front, means right beside him!! D: this is making the situation worse!! Dr. Dannie help me... T^T... I really don't know what to do now...

An Outsider Entering My Life

Coincidences are really scary. My parents found out that one of my senior, one of the black belt gang is my neighbour! D: Oh no!!!!! My dad met him at the park near our house. What a coincidence huh?! And now the worst thing has come... My parents planned to make me car pool with him to taekwondo! This is driving me insane!!! D: I didn't expect this will happen!

Somehow I feel like car-pooling with him since it's more convenient than the schedule we have right now. Thanks to my parents' activities and business... == But the thing is this is embarrassing! >///
So people... I need help here to analyze which is the best schedule for me. Should I give up my pride and car pool with him? Or should I give up my time to keep moving from my grandma's house and my house? Sigh... This is really a big dilemma for me...

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-

Taekwondo Thanks

I got my result for my Taekwondo examination yesterday. Well, although I just have been promoted to green belt, my grateful enough. Still, I always hope that i can get double promoted so I was kinda down... Luckily I didn't expect that high from the examiner since that day I screwed up everything so I didn't have a heart attack. :P

Erm... Actually this post is about my gratitude towards Dannie and Elmo... I was still OK at first but when i went back home I don't know for some reason my dad was disappointed about my performance. I called Dannie and talked about it.

In the center at first nobody clapped for me until Elmo asked them to do so, which is a big encouragement for me although it's just a big hand from everybody in the class. I wanted to thank him but I was too embarrassed to do so. I miss a good chance!!!! D: Anyway, thanks Elmo. I really wanted to tell you this one day when I have the courage to do so. I think I'll blush. :S Somehow I really think that it's not wrong to like you, isn't it? I know you don't and you might like someone else (maybe Dannie cause there are lots of things happening between them when I was away), but I'll still like you silently. I really appreaciate what you have done for me for this one time. Again, thanks. :)

After all this, I just tell myself that I'll work even harder to gain double-promoted next time. ^^

-馨Don't Speak 被你着迷>孤单<-