My Words To You

As you know I like XingLong a lot. Dannie always encourage me to go on and fight for my love. Well, I know I should just fight on even so I don't have the strength and courage to move on anymore.

You know, even though I know this is the first time I chased for a person so badly. A person who is so far apart from me in terms of age, rank and almost everything. He's a black belt, 3rd degree. Whereas me? I'm just a green belt, a sprouting flower waiting to have my bulb and full blossom. Isn't it obvious that we can't be together? Isn't it obvious that I have not much hope for this love? He's the full-grown flower in the center of attraction. I'm just a sprout that doesn't shine in the midst of bushes. He won't notice me, never. Even if I did something outrageous, nothing is going to change. I don't know what to do the make him notice me or see me as a girl.

Yesterday night was a proof that he's not into me - he was teaching us the patterns (which I already learnt it long time ago) behind of the class. I didn't speak much yesterday, somehow... I was in a bad mood and he was either. I was depressed after knowing that he wasn't that into me after asking for some friends' opinion. Or should I say, this current relationship really remains without a conclusion? Well, either he doesn't like me or this relationship remains without a conclusion, it could just ruin my whole day. *Sorry Dannie, I couldn't tell you on the spot although it wasn't your fault. I just don't want you to worry about me too much. Plus yesterday you were also in a bad mood after the scoldings you got from your parents.* Yes, back to the topic, he kept perlying me or you can say scolded me for being a dumb dumb back there... He said everytime he looks at me I look like my spirit has gone somewhere else, far far away. As if I didn't listen to him or whatever... I wasn't alright?! Do I need to nod to acknowledge you that understand what you're saying everytime?! Ah... Great! I'm pissed right now... =,=...

So you see... He doesn't show interest in me and look at how far apart we are... I just don't want to fight for it anymore. I'm tired... I had enough of it. I don't know what he's thinking either. I just couldn't figure him out. Too hard to get him, so far yet so close... This is the so-called unrequited love isn't it? Well, for now I want to surpass him to let me go closer to him. One day, I want to convey my feelings to him or just tell him I did like him before but now everything changed... Who know's what future awaits me?