爱是一种责任

有个大学的兄弟最近po了文，看到他拿了美国绿卡，就私信说声恭喜。虽然咱们都说过，就算有了绿卡真的是个好选择吗，但有了绿卡也是一个机会。咱们都理解在美国一个人生活其实又孤单又乏味，生活挺难过的，尤其像我们在谈远距离爱情的。

在这个黄金年龄，我们一定会到需要做重要的选择的那一天。比如：要事业、爱情、家庭。前一个月，我和这位兄弟聊起咱们以后的几年要怎样的生活。当时我记得他说，他有时真的想把美国的生活放下，回去和家人、朋友、女朋友一起。其实只要是从外地来美国生活的年轻人都会有的思念，但又不知和谁说，有时说着说着也会自己流泪。

今天我也问他一样的问题。

我：“恭喜啊！你下一步要做啥？”

他：“换份工。”

我：“这么快找到了？”

他：“有个上司要开新的生意，就想叫我过去。”

我：“那他是不是给你加薪啦？”

他：“有啦。就一点点。毕竟生意刚开始。”

我：“现在有了绿卡，可以把女朋友娶过来了吧？”

他：“其实。。。我不知道要不要把她带过来。”

我：“为啥？你之前不是说要把她带过来吗？你在顾虑什么？”

他：“她说她已经准备随时可以结婚了。但我没有稳定的工作，也还没做好要结婚的心理准备。这就是我感情上的烦恼。”

我：“女人确实比较快做好心理准备。”

我：“说到工作，你都有一些技能了啊。怎么就不稳定了？现在就算要换份工作也容易吧？”

他：“我已经和她说过了。如果到那一天我还是没做好心理准备，我就会放她走，让她寻找自己的幸福。”

我：“那么直接？当时她哭了？”

他：“那是肯定的。我也哭了。。。”

他：“现在我们聊天的时候，她时不时都会提起要不要去新加坡发展。”

我：“可是从你刚才说的，就算你去了新加坡，也改变不了什么吗？”

他：“但至少可以一起生活。我女朋友也说结婚前应该尝试一起生活。”

我：“确实。”

我：“其实我前几个月我也跟你一样有这个烦恼。我谁也没说过。连男朋友我也没和他讨论过。”

他：“。。。你这烦恼也来得太迟了吧？”

我：“哈哈！我打从一开始就想回家。只是时间要到的时候就忽然有点怕了。”

他：“那你的顾虑是什么？”

我：“美金VS马币”

他：“可马来西亚给你的薪水也不少啊。”

我：“还是不能比美金换来的多啊。可是我在这儿，我真的孤单傻了。为了美金我牺牲了家人、朋友、开心的生活。”

其实前几天和男朋友聊天的时候，他有问我是不是很想在美国待下去。我就诚实告诉他前几个月确实想，但现在我真的好累，想回家了。

现在回想起我和兄弟的对话，就忽然想起和男朋友说过的话。我觉得这两段话我终于体会到它们真正的意义。

“其实两个人分开可以各种理由，但这些理由都指向一个理由：其实对方并不那么爱对方。”

“爱是一种责任。爱你，就是愿意为你负责。”

就说我兄弟的情况吧。他说他想放他女朋友走，让她寻找自己的幸福。但换另一个想法，如果他真的爱她，那不是更应该做好准备去为她负责吗？纯粹个人想法。

我是个SB

  现在的我已经有着接近两年的工作经验了。可以说从工作的第一天到现在，我真的经历了好多，也终于找到自己比较卓越的领域。这个星期是咱公司的销售会议。老板确实邀请我去了。可今天没想到在这个事件出门交通会那么的阻塞。。。当时到了会议室我已经迟了差不多15分钟。我可以听到从会议室里传来的声音，门已经关上了。我在那儿徘徊一阵子，就是在想要不要大大方方地开门走进去。后来进了隔壁空着的会议室偷听，试探着要不要就这样进去。听着听着，又想着大老板肯定在里面了，我这样走进来会不会太没面子了。。。想着想着。。。就怂了离开了。。。orz 结果就回家换上工作鞋去上班了。。。整个路程上就想着待会儿怎么解释。。。

  到了晚宴，我照常的出席了。不过以看到上司们就会心虚。。。就不看正眼看向他们。。。其实早上去上班的路上就一直在后悔为啥没有直接推开那扇门。若我去了会议，可能前面几分钟会很尴尬，不过至少也不会变成现在这样更尴尬的局面。。。不过还是算了吧，都发生了。后来有些人问我白天都去了哪儿，没看到我出席。我也就能说有事去上班了。。。靠，真的我太怂了。。。orz orz orz

  以后就知道了。这句话还是对的：“迟到好过没到”。当然，不要迟到是最好的。。。

其实他没那么爱我？

  感觉好久没有投稿了说。今天为何会回来这儿写是因为现在心情烂透了。。。

  我现在在美国上大学，也快毕业了其实。现在在宿舍和一个同胞住在一块儿，感觉挺好的。我的室友是个典型的射手女。特别活泼开朗。和一个巨蟹女的我完全相反。

  我为啥会心情不好？有3个理由。

1. 室友她妈来了。主要是要帮女儿在夏季之前买辆车。她妈是挺好的。第一次出去吃饭时还请我们了，现在也帮我们做饭啥的，只是她有时就照顾得太多反而显得她多管闲事又强势（她一旦要做个事谁也阻止不了她。。。）关键是因为她是长辈，虽然有时真的有点按捺不住，还是得尊敬她。她说通畅旅行都是和一群朋友。不过因为这次一个人来就感觉寂寞，就会特别粘我和另一个同学。我说，这位阿姨，我自己的父母都没你那么粘人呀。。。
2. 姨妈快到了。。。
3. 男朋友

  这为男朋友已经谈了接近两年了。我们差8岁。我手机和笔记本都坏了。他决定要买新手机给我。以一个典型摩羯男，他就帮我看哪款手机比较划算。我本来自己想买了一款但被他说服就跟他买了同一款手机了。当时付费有些问题，就需要他的脸书密码看是咋回事。他把密码给我后都没把密码换掉。我就问他为啥不换，不怕我侵犯他的隐私。他说懒得换，还说如果我可以守秘＋EQ高，那就任由我看。接着他却说，以他知道我的性格，应该会把他的私事和别人说。

  到这里我心都灰了，碎了。虽然我知道之前我把他的事情告诉我父母，他不高兴。我也意识到我确实做得不对。毕竟他是我第一个我想过要结婚的男朋友，我也不知道怎么谈这种比较成熟的恋爱。我不怪他为啥他不信任我，但他这么一说我心还是会痛。当然，跟上次我对他做那种事，这痛可能比不上我给他的痛。

  不过我要真的嫁给一个不信任我的男人，我真的会幸福吗？我觉得一对情侣最重要的就是对彼此的信任。如果他真的不相信我了，我们还能在一起吗？真的不知道该怎么和他开口。。。

My very first piano arrangement

This is my first time arranging a song. Lol, and this is an epic song -- Nero by Two Steps From Hell. It's a tough one to start off actually. But what can I do other than arrange it myself with reference to other score sheets I found? So this is the product of references and experience from Animenzzz's Bios, Guilty Crown. Hope it isn't that bad. I was trying to make it sound epic but failed miserably I think. Well, enjoy...? =/

In your face! 8D

Hi peeps. It has been a long time writing here. I'm having finals this week actually. But something great just happened! 8D

I was actually studying for finals with a guy friend. We walked into Borders to find a place to just sit down and study. And guess what, I saw the guy I used to like during my high school years and Danicia! Fyi, they are in a relationship now.

I didn't notice them until he waved at me and yeah, finally get to let him see that I'm now a changed person. I'm no longer the ugly duckling I used to be. Feel good showing him that I'm better now.

The both of them misunderstood that I'm in a relationship with my best guy friend. Well it's fine since my friend doesn't mind that. Plus I can make the both of them think that I have such an awesome "boyfriend". :P

So glad that I decided to make myself pretty. Thanks to my best guy friend who keep on pushing me and supporting me along the way. :D

BEST DAY EVER!! 8DDDD

</3

I see her frequently nowadays. And honestly say, it hurts! It hurts so much that whenever I see her I will feel that I'm a loser, I'm inferior to her, I'm ashamed to see her.

I know, he likes her but not me. I know this is how it supposed to be but I didn't want things to be this way. It's so unfair! I know him first. I enter his life first! How can she, who just came in the middle of everything get what I wanted. How can she be able just turn everything to her.

Fate, you are so cruel! Why do you always play with my love life. Why...? Did I do anything to deserve this? Or is it destined that I will stay this way for awhile. But, stop! I don't want to feel all these emotions anymore. Fate, you made me gave up on stirving for love. This is the second time that I let someone enter between us and ruined everything.

I know, I'm a no-good. She is shining, standing on her own two feet with head held high, elegant, smart and attractive.

I admit, I lose this battle. That is why I tried to let you go, although I can't let you go fully now. I need time. It's a dilemma. To let you go means to make you disappear in my.life or I'll disappear in your life. Things will settle down once you leave here I think. Sometimes I hesitated to tell you to get lost, that is because, you are important in my life and I'm not ready to lose it. But being beside you now is hurting me badly. I'm sorry I didn't fulfill our promise either. I just can't stop my heart to beat faster can I? I can't stop to make let things go your way. Even when my mind told me to stop, I just can't. In the end I'm trap in the palm of your hand. And you never know why I let things have your way, never know why I'm your so-called "easy target", right? :) you will never know...

Take the Fall

  I finally managed to climb up my journey in Taekwondo. However, this doesn't mean that I'm good enough and I can stop doing anything. This is just the beginning. What master and GM said is true, this is just the beginning of a long and hard journey to be at the top. Today we practiced some special techniques and I really face many problems in doing those special techniques. But, I think through martial arts, I have conquered my fear in taking the fall. I fell, and I'll rise again. Just that simple. Even if others laugh at your mistake, just take it and laugh at yourself too! :D you will feel better that way. Fall, rise, laugh, and do it again to improve yourself so one day you can fly. :) oh and don't forget to thank those who help you when you fall and let you soar. ^^.

  And here I have a very close male friend who is interested in knowing a girl. They started talking but somehow today he told me that he sensed that the girl felt annoyed. I don't know, maybe it was just his imagination. You know, when you like someone, you tend to be extra sensitive and careful in every step you make to know that person more. Well, I admit it's indeed a very difficult task to make things turn out right most of the time. However, I don't think he shall give up hope on this and continue the road he has taken. He just need to take things step by step slowly. Don't rush things and let it follow the flow. :) Maybe he can just not making the first move so much as this might scare her away... Well, I hope that every thing will be going well for him. :)

I miss you

  I don't know what did I do to have such a miserable 2nd semester of my college life. Every thing just happened suddenly and I feel like I'm going to break apart soon.

  TM has been sticking to a jerk's ass recently and it hurts to see that our friend is following the wrong person. I mean, it's not wrong that she likes someone but out of all people why THAT jerk?! D: She can do better than this. Well, I guess they just suit each other.

  What I know now is TM isn't the person we used to know. I feel so hurt when I knew things that she did that hurt all of us as close friends. I even cried in his arms when I heard all these horrible things she did. But to be honest, I don't fully believe in what I heard. Well don't get me wrong, it's just I want to know the truth and I wish to hear all of these from TM herslef. I seriously she will just come up to us and say it.

  Well, when the time comes, I seriously don't know how to react to that. Will I forgive her or not? I don't know... If what I knew were true, then I possibly might not forgive her. Or maybe forgive her but I woudn't forget what she had done. But honestly, I really do miss her. It was like 2 weeks or so since she followed that piece of shit around. How I hope that jerk didn't do or say anything to her that could change her.

  Actually after I have calmed down, I was thinking maybe she did care for us. Most of the time she was thinking of us just she was talking something bad about us behind our backs. I'm still not sure what she had done but if this was really true, then I can just say this might be her way of showing that she cares for us. She spent so much time with her till she can see our flaws and observed us all these 6 months.

  If that jerk really did do something to her, I'll stab him a thousand times and make him feel the pain we expereinced. I might even hit her but will still give her a helping hand after that. TM, we are always here for you if you need us back although we might hate you for what you've done. But, feel free to come home anytime. We know you have your own hardships and we hope that you can share with us so that we can help you. You really don't need to get other people's reaction like that jerk to hear you out and say something nice that poison you. If you fall, we'll be your safe zone behind catching you from the fall. We miss you TM. We really miss you. Especially WL... She cried for you so much. Please, don't hurt her any further...

It's all my fault

   Hey peeps, I just came back from Anime Festival Asia 2011 Malaysia yesterday. It was really good! Better than my expectation. Maybe I did over degraded Malaysia's standard at first. Actually, I went there just to see KANAME and have fun at the maid or butler cafe. So in the end I fulfilled my wish. XD I saw KANAME and I went to the butler cafe. :) Unfortunately I didn't get to enjoy the service in the maid cafe as the queue was too long. /~\...

  However, many things happened that only the both of us (not going to mention the name) know what's going on. I don't know why things will turn out that way. But I feel like because of me, I made him this way and now he's trying to stay a distance away from me. Sighs... I wanted the club committee to be a happy group of people but I don't know why it ended up this way now. /~\...

  Oh yes, and today I went out to have a movie with my friends and they were talking about one of our buddies that she's now getting further away from us cause it seems like she's following a guy more than she's hanging out with us. We are seriously worried about her cause that guy isn't good at all! D: Well, after what we discussed, I finally realized that they were really worried about me when I was once very close with a guy, who is admired by an insane girl who'll "kill" anybody in her way to get him. I'm sorry guys... To let you guys worried so much about me previously. But seriously, I'm fine. It's nothing. :)

  Well, I do hope it's nothing. Cause actually just now he just asked me a very weird question. 'If I told you that I like as in a romantic way, not the brother-sister love, how will you react?' he asked. But he knew what I'm going to answer anyway. Well, it's not I'm trying to think too much but what if he really likes me in that way...?

  Gosh... Everything's changing around me... /~\...

爱生活

  吵架后和好的感觉真的无法形容… 就是觉得心忽然轻得要从身体里飘出来… 两个亲友吵架其实蛮正常的… 吵了一会儿就会和好… 就那么简单~ 当然一开始还是有点尴尬… 不过慢慢地又适应了，变成以往那样吵吵闹闹~ 可是我还是希望你不要因为我的话而放弃她，好吗?

  老实说… 我自己也不知道为什么我会认为我对你有超越朋友界限的感情… 可能是我很渴求有个人对我关心?! D: 不会吧! 或许是荷尔蒙的错… =,=... 可是当我冷静下来… 我还是觉得我们不可能在一起啦! 神经的! D:

  朋友，现在我们像以往这样一起疯疯癫癫的… 我已经满足了… ^^

  至于其他人… 谢谢你们在我低潮的时候给我的鼓励和关怀… ^^

  当然，这五个月的学员生活真的真的… 让我最感动的是我这第一组朋友…! :D 如果没有你们我真的不知道我的学员生活会过得怎样… 这就是缘分给我的礼物吧? ^^ 每次想到你们就会给自己一丝微笑… 有事的时候一想到你们我就觉得很安心… 因为我知道我们永远都会在一起… 我知道我们都会一起努力，一起付出… 有你们在我什么都不怕了… 就算有时会遇到挫折，还是受到别人的威胁，我都不怕…我知道你们会在后面支持我… 谢谢你们… 认识你们，我开始爱自己的生活… 甚至知道我生存下来是因为到我人生最拼的时刻我会遇见你们… 你们给我了勇气+欢笑… 我真的很爱你们…! TwT...

  Jo Anne, Wey Lyn, Tze Ming, Miyumi, Cheng Yee, Jing Yao, Sze Yuan, Mindy, Kimberly, Daniel, 你们都在我的人生里留下了意义… <3 

一瞬间…

  这短短的五个月里我认识了你… 还记得一开始只是知道彼此的存在… 不过缘分让我们认识了对方… 当然我没有后悔过我们现在的友情已经是到话不用多说的地步。你我都知道对方下一句会说什么… 反应会是什么… 喜欢什么… 不喜欢什么… 当然有时还是琢磨不到对方… 不过还是要谢谢缘分吧我们拉近距离~ 虽然曾经吵架过… 但我一直坚信这只是把我们的友情变得更强的过程…

  还记得第一次吵架… 我在电话上哭着，挑战了我对你的信任… 我哭，是因为当我给你那么多机会誊清自己，你都不要争取那个机会… 你反而认为我就像其他人… 不想让我知道比较好… 但最痛的，其实是你对我的温柔… 我发现自己在无理取闹的时候，你竟然赖你自己伤害了我… 就是因为你对我越好，我越理所当然地接受你对我的宽容… 谢谢你…

  现在是我们第二次吵架了… 或许是我太迟发现自己竟然被感情控制得那么糟糕，让你胡思乱想了… 或许是我一时心急，我的霸占心又再次被启动… 因为我一时想太多，我真的好害怕会失去你这个好哥哥… 我也不想要你忘了我这个小妹… 我希望你虽然有了别人，你还是会记得我… 希望我们还会见面… 见面时还会像现在一样有说不完的话… ^^ 不过你反而觉得你失去的那些亲友们是因为你是个喜新厌旧的人才离开你… 虽然现在很想告诉你这些，但我相信今夜的你是不会听进去了~ /~\... 不过我真的很想知道… 为什么连续这两次的吵架，我的话你都听进去了就乱想，然后就被我的话影响你对你自己的看法… 我真的很不明白…

  我真的不希望这次的吵架会毁了我们的友情… 拜托了…

No more...

  Long time not posting anything here. I decided to write something here cause it's faster to type in English or Mandarin here rather than typing Japanese (which I'm not very good at it yet) on Ameblo.

  It's been 5 months since my college life started. Things have changed within me and around me. I started my Taekwondo lesson somewhere near my house since last year end. So no more Xing Long and I seldom contact  my high school best friend cause I think I just couldn't wait for her anymore.

  I started to move on after what happened during my high school years. But for some reason, I started to have feelings for someone... Which I don't wish to happen. He's not my type of guy either but I just accidentally liked him. However, I never tell him anything about this. I just realized i liked him recently cause whenever he talks about another who he might give her a chance to unlock his heart. I would always act as if I don't mind and I'll support him.

  We're like brother and sister. We quarrel everyday but everything's just a joke. We just feel happy the way things are now. But one day he told me he gave a chance to a girl for her to unlock his heart, I started to feel all so shocked and down at the same time. I didn't want to admit the feelings I have for him, until now. I'm now trying to just keep this feeling to the corner of my mind and just tell my mind and my heart that none of these happen. I just don't want to break our friendship. And I swear to myself I won't feel anything like this anymore cause it's just a nuisance to me. Romantic relationships just never ever work out on me. Either it's the guy isn't interested in me or the guy leaves me after he found another better girl. I had enough of this. No more!

  So just to speak out here, after this post, I'll end my feelings right here, right now!

Drive~

Before sharing about my first driving experience, I would like to share what happened during school before the holidays.

Guess what, my bestie fainted in the biology lab! D: I was really shocked that I stood there didn't know how to react when I saw her face as white as sheet. Luckily I asked others to help her so she didn't fall down to the ground. Of course, she collapsed and I think it's due to stress and lack of sleep. Anyway, it's good that she's better now but still I pray for her health. /~\...

Ok, back to my driving experience. So... Yesterday I went back to my driving school to have lessons again. This is the last theory lesson and after that I got to drive in the circuit. It was fun and exciting! XD I almost hit the cub, my car moved backwards, and I drove too fast... That really scared my tutor though. Fortunately he's a patient teacher to teach me.

The worst thing ever is I met Spider at my driving school! WTH! Of all people I met him?! This time I didn't call out for him as he seemed like doesn't wanna talk to me. I'm just doing the same since even if I talked to him or called out to him his reaction is always the same -- dumb-struck! Hmph! Since he's acting this way then I'm not gonna be so nice to him too! Who cares?!

Anyway, it was nice to drive although my leg hurts after driving a manual car... /o\... I'll be going back to my driving school this Thursday if possible. :)

Terrible Dreams

Today is the 15th day of the 7th month according to the Chinese Lunar Calendar. It's a bad day. I mean the worst day as today is a full moon in the month of the hungry ghosts and I had the worst dream ever.

Mum, Dad, Sister, I missed you...
I dreamed of my babysitter's husband, whom I also called him my Daddy. He passed away approx. a year ago due to the scariest Leukimia (blood cancer, where your white blood cell count increases rapidly and your red blood cell and platelet count decreases below the minimum requirement a lot). I met my babysitter, whom I also called my Mum, Daddy and my their youngest daughter, whom I called her my sister, somewhere nearby the apartment we used to live with my babysitter. It was about 7.30pm, I was gonna have my dinner before my Taekwondo practice. They invited me to dinner with them. So I did. I was having so much fun until I totally forgot my practice. When I looked at my watch, it was 9.15pm! I was late for my practice. I need to go! I tried to make it on time but in the end I couldn't. I didn't attend the class nor I went back to dinner with them. I was lost.

As I'm typing about this dream now, I feel like crying. I seriously feel so pain in my heart. I missed them... I really wanna see them...! I want us to be back together... Please...

Having An Affair?
I dreamed of my childhood friend being lovey-dovey. But the truth is we can't even look each other in the eye. How can we be all so "sugary"? We were holding hands and went to sleep. We even hugged each other in my dream! D: I was being not loyal to Ryuu in my dreams... Goodness me... @.@ It's the second time I dreamed about him and I being like this...

My Life Comes to An End
Yesterday night I dreamed of my mum and I went to see a doctor for a check-up. I had forgotten what the doctor had said, but I know it was something bad, really bad. I saw my mum burst in tears sitting behind me, crying with her hands covering her face. I have never in my life seen her crying that badly before. It was really sad to see her cry like this and in the meantime it was scary 'cause I don't know what happened that made her cried that badly.

Then, the next scene I saw myself lying down on the hospital bed in the ICU. It was terrible. I finally knew what happened. I had a severe heart disease. it actually can be cured but when I found out that I had this disease, it was too late for the doctor to do anything. So, I'm just waiting for my life to end in this hospital. My eyes closed and machines and droplets were everywhere around me. Although I was so sick, I looked so beautiful lying on the sick bed, honestly. I had black slightly-waved long hair and a pretty face like someone had a perfect plastic surgery. Really, in dreams, you can be as beautiful as you want. The only thing made me not-so-perfect was I couldn't talk. I just breathe through machines and counting the days how much more longer can I live.

I heard my mum's voice. She talked to me everyday. I knew she hoped that I could be cured or even just open my eyes was good enough. She held my hand so tightly that I felt her hand squeezed my heart, so sad... I even dreamed of my friends talking to me but I just couldn't answer them. I really wanted to tell all these people how I felt towards them all these while but my lips wouldn't move. My tears were rolling in my eyes every time they spoke to me and hoping for me to wake up and be the lively me again. I saw my Taekwondo friends who I knew from Ryuu couldn't even smile as they used to. They even shed their tears when they went out of the ICU.

Lastly, I dreamed of Ryuu. He said,"Hey, stupid kitty, sick kitty. Why don't you wake up? You've slept long enough. Don't be so lazy...! Wake up already, idiot. Didn't you say you wanna beat me in any Taekwondo matches? Didn't you say you want to have a class of your own with many students who will bring back medals? Stupid cat...". Then, he held my hand to his forehead. I could feel his tears on my hand. "Oh no... Don't cry..." I wanted to tell him this but I wasn't able to do so. And finally he said something after a long silence. And right after hearing what he said, a drop of tears flowed out from the side of my left eye. Beeeeeeepppp.... The screen of the machine showed no wave anymore. Just a straight line. My breath stopped...

You know what he said before my last breathe? He said,"I don't think you know this as you're just so stupid and slow. I told you "fingers" told me to wait but you still couldn't get it. Remember what we talked about during our second date on the hill having our first dinner together? I really didn't know fate will be this cruel to make you like this though. I really wish that we could have more memories but fate didn't allow me to do so. And... Actually... I wanted to say this for a long time... I love you."

In my heart, I said,"Why? Why are you telling me this now? Why? Why won't fate let you tell me this sooner? Why don't I realize that I had this disease for such a long time? If I could I really wanna be with you but fate allow me to do nothing... I'm sorry for making everybody suffer... I'm sorry for leaving you behind... I'm sorry I leave a deep scar on your heart... I'm sorry I didn't manage to fulfill our promises... I'm sorry... I love you too..."

Ah... If this is made into a short story wouldn't it be tragic...? Anyway, it's bad to have dreams of yourself dying during the hungry-ghost month though. Nothing to be happy about. And before something like this really happened, I would like to tell everybody around me that I appreciate you guys so much and love you guys from the bottom of my heart, seriously. Thank you for everything.

Little Moments

~Little Moments with My Mum~
Do anyone of you thought of going back to the past? I had this thought after seeing my mum had the most beautiful smile on her face when she was with a little boy at my training center. I had never seen before that smile of hers. It was really heart-warming that my tears almost rolled out of my eyes. I wondered, years ago when I was still a little girl who didn't know anything, how can I forget what had happened before? How was my mum look like during those times? Ah... Seeing her smile really make me feel like crying...

~Little Moments with My Neighbor/Senior~
Nowadays I realized many sides of this interesting guy. Honestly, he wasn't that bad. He seems quiet but actually he just like any other young adults. He wasn't that boring either. He also make mistakes though. I always thought he was a perfectionist and cold-hearted. Everything looks so cold and perfect if it's him. However, sometimes he can be really funny, caring and a little clumsy. (≡^∇^≡)ﾆｬﾊﾊ There are times he tends to forget where is my house. There are times when he wanted to show concern but doesn't know how to put it in words. There are times when he turns into a bad boy, cursing people and break the traffic rules. He's getting interesting... ^w^

~ The Last Moment with Ryuu~
It has been a long time since I talked about Ryuu. The reason is... I've already told him I gave up on wanting him to be my boyfriend. It's pointless since he doesn't like me. I had been chasing around him like a fool for more than a year. It's just a waste of time. I think it's better to just end everything. Recently I didn't text him either. During lessons he doesn't wanna correct anything that I might had done wrong. He doesn't even wanna stand close to me or look at me in the eye. It's time to give up I guess. He has already started avoiding me. I already told him I'll just work hard to be his good friend as I know I can't be anything else other than that...

Happy B'day to me :)

Hiya~ Yesterday was my b'day actually Today I'm gonna celebrate at a hotel for Japanese cuisine~ Raw salmon and Unagi~ I'm coming~

Btw, many shocking things happened on my b'day... It has been a long time since my period stained onto my school uniform! o__o... It was so embarrassing and luckily that was after school dismissed... /o\... My fellow classmates sang b'day song to me in class. I was touched. And my FB is full of my friends' posting wishes of Happy B'day on my wall. Most importantly, Ryuu's friend, Waterfish, wished me in a very unique manner. He said he created it just for me. How touched~ TvT... But Haruki seems to have forgotten my b'day until I reminded him... =,=... Haru-nii wa BAKA!!! DX Anyway, Ryuu gave me a good laugh. It was the first time that someone said he wants to be the last one to wish me b'day. He was really funny back there. He called me and asked me what time is it. It was 11.59pm. The last minute for my b'day. Awww... Anyway, thanks to everybody for the wishes. Actually, I had a fight with my parents since yesterday... =,=... And I was supposed to attend school now for a pointless Malaysia government's event to encourage us to exercise frequently. I don't need it, obviously... As I already have TKD lessons almost everyday... =,=... So, here's the end~ Will be enjoying my food soon~ Ciao~ ;D

Sacrifice

Hey guys. こんぱんだ♪ヾ(●ω●)ノ”フリフリ [back to writing English] It has been a long time since I last wrote as I was busy the last holidays with activities. m(｡･ε･｡)mｽｲﾏｿ-ﾝ It was fun in YES! Camp. ﾜｸﾜｸ♪o(^o^o)(o^o^)oﾜｸﾜｸ♪ It's a camp for youths to build their self-esteem level and their leadership. The theme of this camp is to appreciate our parents who have care for us and give us the knowledge and wisdom. From there, I've learned a lot. I realized that we should face any problems with all our might. The slogan of this camp is the sky is the limit. Fyi, my brother gave a some-sorta speech before leaving the camp as he left earlier than anyone else. Everybody had tears in their eyes listening to what my brother said. I'm sorry I can't write it down here 'cause it was really long and it relates to our personal matters. Honestly, I cried really hard that day with my brother. Well, the best part was we had fun and made new friends. ((o(・ω・)人(・ω・)o)) ﾅ･ｶ･ﾏ♪ I miss them now... 。・ﾟﾟ･(≧д≦)･ﾟﾟ･｡ｴｰﾝ!!

The worst part for my last holidays was I was actually forced to attend the camp and I needed to reject the invitation for going to the Chocolate Fair with Ryuu~! 《《o(≧◇≦)o》》ｲﾔｧｧｧｧ!!! But, I never regret to attend the camp 'cause it was really meaningful. It was worth going rather than spending time lovey-dovey with Ryuu... ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ♪☆LOVELOVE('∇^*)☆♪｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　Sorry Ryuu... ｍ(｡≧Д≦｡)ｍｽﾏｰﾝ!! I heard from Ryuu that the Choco Fair was the worst 'cause there wasn't anything special there. Btw, my conversation about the choco was heard by my two roommates who are younger than me a lot. However, they are grew up so fast that they know more stuff about relationship than me! ∑(￣ﾛ￣|||)なんと！？

As holidays are over, the hard school days arrived. The days of suffering of a school girl continues. I was rushing with my project. Finally I managed to rush everything off in time. (*´∇｀*) Unfortunately, I haven't attend my Taekwondo lessons for 2 weeks continuously! ｵｫｫｰｰｰ!! w(ﾟﾛﾟ;w(ﾟﾛﾟ)w;ﾟﾛﾟ)w ｵｫｫｰｰｰ!! And since something happened to Ryuu and I, we are both so busy to attend to our issues, we haven't talk nicely with each other for a long time. I think it has been a month or so? Ah... I miss him so much although he doesn't... 恋のｷｭｰﾋﾟｯﾄ(*ﾟｰﾟ)§ｼｭｯ!!━━━ →(*ﾟｰﾟ)ﾝ? (*￣(　　　　　)ﾁｭｳｳｳｳｩｩ♪ Well, my next Taekwondo competition will be up soon so next week I'm going for training for sure! Fight!!(ｏ＾-^)尸~''☆ミ☆ミ

Btw, can anybody answer me why Ryuu doesn't wanna tell me what problem is he facing now? I talked to him about this and I told him it's painful that he didn't treat me as a friend. He said it's not what I think and if I have knew why he couldn't tell me I won't feel pain anymore. He said I'll know about this sooner or later. He doesn't want me to misunderstand him. What is this all about?! ∑(￣ﾛ￣|||)なんと!?

两个月的美梦……结束了……

大家好……▼o･_･o▼ｺﾝﾆﾁﾜﾝ♪ 好怀念这里噢…… 好久没在这里写部落格了~! 希望再次和我的部落格见面不会太迟…… 对不起噢…… 抛弃了你……　ｍ(｡≧Д≦｡)ｍｽﾏｰﾝ!!

最近真的有好多事情发生…… 就那么两个月里，我和他一起两个人出去也有两次了…… 不过现在那些我们一起度过的日子也只是一场好梦…… 没办法…… 只能怪我们没缘啦…… 最痛苦的是…… 我竟然无法忘记他…… 我们又没有交往…… 为何我会那么不舍得我们共同的回忆? 我也不懂…… 我到底对他有何感觉…… 不过这些也都不重要了…… 就像他说的…… 付出≠回报…… 而我就是为他默默付出了大概一年了…… 可是他喜欢的人不是我…… 我也没办法…… 只好放弃了…… 一起在以前跆拳道练习的地方谈心…… 现在那个地方被租主拿回来了，说不租了…… 一起到半山腰坐下来说笑的地方，一起吃晚饭的地方，玩手指的地方，离对方最近的地方…… 也只是一场梦…… 这场梦实在是太美了…… 就是因为太美，才不会永久吧……? 太美的东西不属于我…… 或许属于你吧，我的朋友? 看到你们即将幸福，我也只好放弃去追求…… 默默地为你们祝福…… 在一旁看着你们幸福…… 再见了…… 我曾经如此爱惜的人……

失败中的最失败……

自从昨天的跆拳道考试，我的心情就很低落……我万万没想到我竟然在考试中做了这么离谱的错误……而且连我自己都不知道的错误! 我做错的部分应该是100%完美的……可是……可是……! 我真的不知道我一直来所下的苦工是拿来做什么! 连教练都说我在其他地方学了一些烂苹果! 教练所说的话给我一个很大的打击……我真的不是去学这样的东西! 我真的很喜欢跆拳道……就因为喜欢我才花时间在它身上……就因为要磨炼去好功夫我当然要从别人身上吸取更多好的! 可是，看来我做了错误的选择……努力，有什么用呢……? 我说过我不会让我的跆拳道的大家失望……但看来我已失言了……我还让我的家人失望了……我好想法噢苏大家我的想法但是我心里的痛，我找不到字来形容……好痛……好痛……

回忆……

哈哈! 好高兴昨天的跆拳道比赛有收获~! 看来我的努力终于成果了……努力果然不会背叛我啊~ ^^ 但每次上了“战场”就要付出代价~ /~\…… 身上的伤好痛啊! 囧…… 给对方在兔子的右下角搭了一拳……/~\…… 还是不要告诉别人好了那不然别人会以为我很弱……我不想别人把我当成是一个柔软的女生看待…… 昨天和小孩们度过了一天真的让我会想起我的童年~ ^^ 以前我和同学们也像他们不管什么都可以一起笑，没有烦恼……还是有那天真的想法和纯洁的心……更让我觉得童年时光很可笑的是我们也曾经像他们把班上的同学们男女配对~ 哈哈哈! :D 不过现在的小孩们都出口成“脏”了……/~\…… 之前我们都不是这样的……难道这真的是因为西方文化的影响? o__o 不过真的蛮怀念童年的~ (我说到自己很老这样……) 昨天不只是有胜利的满足感和喜悦噢~ 有两个人送我巧克力~ :D 好开心噢~ 虽然都是巧克力但他们的心意都不一样……不过还是谢谢你们送我啦~ 巧克力最棒~! :D