My Words To You

As you know I like XingLong a lot. Dannie always encourage me to go on and fight for my love. Well, I know I should just fight on even so I don't have the strength and courage to move on anymore.

You know, even though I know this is the first time I chased for a person so badly. A person who is so far apart from me in terms of age, rank and almost everything. He's a black belt, 3rd degree. Whereas me? I'm just a green belt, a sprouting flower waiting to have my bulb and full blossom. Isn't it obvious that we can't be together? Isn't it obvious that I have not much hope for this love? He's the full-grown flower in the center of attraction. I'm just a sprout that doesn't shine in the midst of bushes. He won't notice me, never. Even if I did something outrageous, nothing is going to change. I don't know what to do the make him notice me or see me as a girl.

Yesterday night was a proof that he's not into me - he was teaching us the patterns (which I already learnt it long time ago) behind of the class. I didn't speak much yesterday, somehow... I was in a bad mood and he was either. I was depressed after knowing that he wasn't that into me after asking for some friends' opinion. Or should I say, this current relationship really remains without a conclusion? Well, either he doesn't like me or this relationship remains without a conclusion, it could just ruin my whole day. *Sorry Dannie, I couldn't tell you on the spot although it wasn't your fault. I just don't want you to worry about me too much. Plus yesterday you were also in a bad mood after the scoldings you got from your parents.* Yes, back to the topic, he kept perlying me or you can say scolded me for being a dumb dumb back there... He said everytime he looks at me I look like my spirit has gone somewhere else, far far away. As if I didn't listen to him or whatever... I wasn't alright?! Do I need to nod to acknowledge you that understand what you're saying everytime?! Ah... Great! I'm pissed right now... =,=...

So you see... He doesn't show interest in me and look at how far apart we are... I just don't want to fight for it anymore. I'm tired... I had enough of it. I don't know what he's thinking either. I just couldn't figure him out. Too hard to get him, so far yet so close... This is the so-called unrequited love isn't it? Well, for now I want to surpass him to let me go closer to him. One day, I want to convey my feelings to him or just tell him I did like him before but now everything changed... Who know's what future awaits me?

Post Respoding Dannie's Recent Blogpost

Hey Dannie. Saw your blog. It was interesting especially the poster you disgned for Phor Tay Doomsaday. :D to tell you the truth, I thought it wasa real poster for the event organized by our school when I first saw it! LOL. And when i continued reading till the 3rd paragraph then I realised that it was what you created. I'm really a dumb dumb, am I not? =,=...

Oh yes, it's really a doomsday in our school, I totally agree to that. We got to cut our hair like olden days' Chinese school jerky students. D: Yes, and now we are famous for our exotic hairstyle, exotic indeed... 'Cause it was the type of hairstyle you can only find it on the early 20th century's school magazines (if the school still has it). It's easy to recognize Phor Tay students now. Yes, the ones with the helmet-head hairstyle or the ones with center parting and their hair put behind their ears with pin each side. This is our representitive hairstyle. Sighs...

Oh ya, the horoscope on your post was... I can't find a word to describe it either... =,=... You seemed happy when you were typing that, aren't you? Although yours might be a little too bad... I'm sure you were smiling evily behind the screen when you were typing mine. Come on Dannie, it isn't that I don't want to do something about it. It's just too embarrassing. What if you were me? Will you do the same thing? I don't think so right? Unless suddenly you became so bold like that day... You really made me jaw-dropped when you ran to call for him you know? D: I was stunned that's why I stayed on the spot, didn't move. Anyway, I don't think my love for him will blossom ok? It's impossible in terms of rank, age and height. He won't like me either. I just know, this is a one-sided love, which I really don't want to admit. But still if there's still hope, I still want him to look a me as a girl. =) Ah... How I wish that he is reading this post... ^///^

Haha! Dannie, they were treating you friendly that day alright? They seldom laugh at you though. You should just appreciate being that moment's dumb dumb (I emphasize this 'cause I'm the all-time dumb dumb... =,=). Be happy about it~ XingLong should be there on that day. He'll laugh his ass off I guess. :D

Ok, I'll write some happenings recently then since I'm posting right now, 'cause I don't know when I'll think about writing a post in the future. :D Yes yes, it's him again - the bastard XingLong! I was really fated to practice with him! And it was suffering... -__-... Ugh...! Damn him! I really hope he can see that how frustrated am I from this post! Unfortunately he doesn't know about my blog... Somehow, I feel "thank goodness". I was being bullied badly when he was there. I know my feelings for him is complicated... It's like love and hate. Can I explaine in the theory of Chemistry - partially dissociates? Like sometimes you don't want to stick with him and sometimes you wanted to combine with him so badly.

Next thing about him is some kind of Yin-Yang philosophy... There's a little bad in the good and there's a little good in the bad. He corrected my L-stand, which is a good thing 'cause it's difficult for your senior to correct you in a class of more than 10 students there. So, I was grateful about that. And, he noticed me~ kyaha~! pyon~~~♥♥♥♥ (I know it's not what he meant, it's just my wild imagination...) Ok, until now I thought of the next thing happened, this feeling I had just now had gone far far away. He was still acceptable when he taught me while the class was still on going. After lesson (the part when I said Dannie being bold), he was totally wild! He was holding a cane and teaching me the stances but I still don't get what he was really saying. I almost got hit by the freakish "death scythe" 'cause of saying I need time to go home and think through it. D: So, isn't it like the Yin-Yang philosophy?

The recent one - My mum went interview him on how to participate the national or state taekwondo competition. Then he was sniling while answering my mum, and that moment I knew it! He was enjoying it! Seeing me so helpless and desperate! I just knew it! And yes, as expected, he came laughing at me... =,=... Indeed, I was really annoyed by that! How can he just laughed at me?! I'm still an ammatuer in this field alright?! Damn him!! And then my mum continued interviewing master this time. Now... Even worse. Master, XingLong, KaiSheng and KaiWen just laughed at me on the spot when I was paying my fees with Dannie, 'cause of that bastard saying stuff that I couldn't deny. Hmph!! That was one hell of humiliation that day... I even tried to stay away from him but guess what, he still came laughing at me!! How possible can I not be angry and annoyed?!! For your info, he laughed at me until I got into the car... I was really annoyed!!! DX

Ok, that's it for the happenings of me and him for now... Let's see what's going to happen next... Is it interesting or frightening? I wonder... Anyway, I'm looking forward. One day I must chase till the same level as XingLong. Just so he wait! Hmph! Oh ya, by the way, we, BBR might be performing for the next Youth Jam '11, which is next year. Please look forward to it and support us~ Thank you~ Lastly, DAMN YOU XING LONG!!!!!!!!