Today is the 15th day of the 7th month according to the Chinese Lunar Calendar. It's a bad day. I mean the worst day as today is a full moon in the month of the hungry ghosts and I had the worst dream ever.
Mum, Dad, Sister, I missed you...
I dreamed of my babysitter's husband, whom I also called him my Daddy. He passed away approx. a year ago due to the scariest Leukimia (blood cancer, where your white blood cell count increases rapidly and your red blood cell and platelet count decreases below the minimum requirement a lot). I met my babysitter, whom I also called my Mum, Daddy and my their youngest daughter, whom I called her my sister, somewhere nearby the apartment we used to live with my babysitter. It was about 7.30pm, I was gonna have my dinner before my Taekwondo practice. They invited me to dinner with them. So I did. I was having so much fun until I totally forgot my practice. When I looked at my watch, it was 9.15pm! I was late for my practice. I need to go! I tried to make it on time but in the end I couldn't. I didn't attend the class nor I went back to dinner with them. I was lost.
As I'm typing about this dream now, I feel like crying. I seriously feel so pain in my heart. I missed them... I really wanna see them...! I want us to be back together... Please...
Having An Affair?
I dreamed of my childhood friend being lovey-dovey. But the truth is we can't even look each other in the eye. How can we be all so "sugary"? We were holding hands and went to sleep. We even hugged each other in my dream! D: I was being not loyal to Ryuu in my dreams... Goodness me... @.@ It's the second time I dreamed about him and I being like this...
My Life Comes to An End
Yesterday night I dreamed of my mum and I went to see a doctor for a check-up. I had forgotten what the doctor had said, but I know it was something bad, really bad. I saw my mum burst in tears sitting behind me, crying with her hands covering her face. I have never in my life seen her crying that badly before. It was really sad to see her cry like this and in the meantime it was scary 'cause I don't know what happened that made her cried that badly.
Then, the next scene I saw myself lying down on the hospital bed in the ICU. It was terrible. I finally knew what happened. I had a severe heart disease. it actually can be cured but when I found out that I had this disease, it was too late for the doctor to do anything. So, I'm just waiting for my life to end in this hospital. My eyes closed and machines and droplets were everywhere around me. Although I was so sick, I looked so beautiful lying on the sick bed, honestly. I had black slightly-waved long hair and a pretty face like someone had a perfect plastic surgery. Really, in dreams, you can be as beautiful as you want. The only thing made me not-so-perfect was I couldn't talk. I just breathe through machines and counting the days how much more longer can I live.
I heard my mum's voice. She talked to me everyday. I knew she hoped that I could be cured or even just open my eyes was good enough. She held my hand so tightly that I felt her hand squeezed my heart, so sad... I even dreamed of my friends talking to me but I just couldn't answer them. I really wanted to tell all these people how I felt towards them all these while but my lips wouldn't move. My tears were rolling in my eyes every time they spoke to me and hoping for me to wake up and be the lively me again. I saw my Taekwondo friends who I knew from Ryuu couldn't even smile as they used to. They even shed their tears when they went out of the ICU.
Lastly, I dreamed of Ryuu. He said,"Hey, stupid kitty, sick kitty. Why don't you wake up? You've slept long enough. Don't be so lazy...! Wake up already, idiot. Didn't you say you wanna beat me in any Taekwondo matches? Didn't you say you want to have a class of your own with many students who will bring back medals? Stupid cat...". Then, he held my hand to his forehead. I could feel his tears on my hand. "Oh no... Don't cry..." I wanted to tell him this but I wasn't able to do so. And finally he said something after a long silence. And right after hearing what he said, a drop of tears flowed out from the side of my left eye. Beeeeeeepppp.... The screen of the machine showed no wave anymore. Just a straight line. My breath stopped...
You know what he said before my last breathe? He said,"I don't think you know this as you're just so stupid and slow. I told you "fingers" told me to wait but you still couldn't get it. Remember what we talked about during our second date on the hill having our first dinner together? I really didn't know fate will be this cruel to make you like this though. I really wish that we could have more memories but fate didn't allow me to do so. And... Actually... I wanted to say this for a long time... I love you."
In my heart, I said,"Why? Why are you telling me this now? Why? Why won't fate let you tell me this sooner? Why don't I realize that I had this disease for such a long time? If I could I really wanna be with you but fate allow me to do nothing... I'm sorry for making everybody suffer... I'm sorry for leaving you behind... I'm sorry I leave a deep scar on your heart... I'm sorry I didn't manage to fulfill our promises... I'm sorry... I love you too..."
Ah... If this is made into a short story wouldn't it be tragic...? Anyway, it's bad to have dreams of yourself dying during the hungry-ghost month though. Nothing to be happy about. And before something like this really happened, I would like to tell everybody around me that I appreciate you guys so much and love you guys from the bottom of my heart, seriously. Thank you for everything. 
